Boy thug #1: He’s like five foot twelve.
Boy thug #2: Dude, that’s six foot.
Boy thug #1: Wait, five foot twelve is six foot?
Boy thug #3: Yes.
Boy thug #1: Five foot twelve is six foot?!
Boy thug #2: You’re in height denial.
–N train
Overheard by: Mathematical Genius
Asian chick: … And that’s the bar where I got roofied.
White chick: You didn’t get roofied! You got food poisoning!
Asian chick: Yeah, I know, but it doesn’t make for as good a story.
–W 4th & 6th
JAP with Barneys bag: … So she borrowed five dollars and still hasn’t paid me back yet. Like, what the fuck?
Friend: Shhh… Your Jew is showing.
–1 train
Overheard by: crazian
30-ish man #1: Whenever I’m down, I just go out and get hammered with my mom. When’s the last time you got wasted with your mom?
30-ish man #2: I don’t really ever do that.
30-ish man #1: You’ve gotta be kidding me, dude. I do it all the time. Think about it — moms need to get hammered. They never get to go out… Just take her out, get her drunk, and drop her off. It will be the time of her life. Just do it and be a good son.
–Northbound Harlem line
Hobo: [Mumbles.]20-something #1: What did he just say?
20-something #2: I think he was offering us grilled cheese.
–17th & 3rd
Man: Does it go in and out?
Woman, walking her dog: The vagina? [Lowers voice] Oh, you mean the dog leash.
–28th & Steinway
Overheard by: coinberg
Hobo, to trees: 56, 60, 61, 20!
Girl: I think he just gave me my lottery numbers!
–Ave A
Overheard by: Katie
White chick: Susan, stop pinching my ass!
Asian girl: I’m not doing anything!
White chick: Well, then who’s doing it?! [Sees hobo culprit behind them.] Oh my god, a bum is pinching my ass!
Asian girl: Should we do something?!
–Broadway
Drunk guy: Do you dare me to lick this pole?
Girl: I don’t have my camera on me, so not right now. Maybe some other time.
–Queens-bound F train
Queer hipster: Oooh! We can share your bed!
Hipster chick: Yeah… I have a pull-out couch, too.
–Enid’s, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Jack!
