Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle Of Wednesday One-Liner!

Dude in full garb on Halloween, clearly losing the argument to his friends: But it's not a foreign object to a pirate!

–East Village

Overheard by: chris k

Girl wearing duct tape cat ears on the fountain in Columbus Circle: I have been crowned the pirate queen!

–Columbus Circle

Guy in business casual to woman in business casual: Yeah, that's the thing about parrots. If they smell smoke and you open their cage, they are outta there. Screw that pirate.

–Uptown 3 Train

Young woman on cell: Those pirates are soooo thin.

–9th Ave & 47th St

Posted on October 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I Notice You Didn't Deny It

Asian girl to friends: What I need is to find a banker.
(Asian banker walks by)
Asian girl: Hey, you. Are you a banker?
Asian banker: Why don't you wait 5 years, lose 10 pounds, and then give me a call?

–N Train

Posted on October 8, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, Asians, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Questions

More of a CMT Gal, Then?

Fat chick enters store and then leaves immediately.

Dad: What’s wrong?
Fat chick: I’m too fat and poor to shop here.

–MTV store, Times Square

Posted on September 8, 2015
Diet/Weight, Fat People, Times Square

If The Facts Of Life Were Set Today, in New York

Overweight Asian lady: Excuse me, miss, I'm holding the pole, do you mind?
Black lady: I'm sorry, but there's nowhere I can move to.
Asian lady: Well, can you just please not lean on it? You're squashing my hand.
Black lady (looking at Asian lady in amazement at her audacity): What time is it?
Asian lady: I could tell you, if you would stop leaning on my hand.
Black lady: It's rush hour! If you're not ready for this go back to suburbia, bitch! This is what happens on an overcrowded train in New York City. Look at this bitch next to me, she barely fits in the door, and she's not complaining. You know why? Cause she accepts it. Cause it's a fact of life! And you takin' up the whole middle isle…shame on you…lose some weight…go back to suburbia. There's plenty of room there.

–L Train

Overheard by: that's right, rush hour is tight

Posted on August 23, 2015
Asians, Black People, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Insults, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Time

That, or a Botched Suicide Attempt

Middle aged woman: When you hear him say that, you just grab some cake and ice cream.
Younger woman: Why?
Middle aged woman: Because that means he just dumped you…and you'll need to gain some weight to make him feel like asshole.

–Central Park

Posted on August 13, 2015
Breaking Up, Central Park, Diet/Weight, Food, Questions, Women

The Crack Helps, Too

Lady #1: My god, look at you! Just had a baby and you’re so skinny!
Lady #2: Well, I don’t eat anything.

–Hearst Cafeteria

Overheard by: Is THAT the trick?

Posted on August 8, 2015
Diet/Weight, Ladies Who Lunch, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Hence the Name “1 Train”

Woman #1: So how did you pee when the toilet stopped up?
Woman #2: I used the sink.
Woman #1: Aren’t you afraid you will break it?
Woman #2: I’ma pretty little. Actually I do it all of the time.

–1/9 train

Posted on August 6, 2015
Cleanliness, Diet/Weight, On the Subway, Pee, Women

Just Ask Dave Thomas

Teen girl: Why are we here? Why can’t we just go to McDonalds?
Teen guy: This is much better, trust me.
Teen girl: But I know what I like at McDonalds.
Teen guy: But this is much better quality than McDonalds. This is good for you, it’s healthy.

–Wendy’s, Castle Hill

Overheard by: Stef