Suit #1: So I’d been working out for two hours a day, almost daily, for a few months.
Suit #2: How was that?
Suit #1: Well I wasn’t losing any weight, so then I remembered… I’m really rich, I could just get lipo.
–Nassau & Wall St.
Overheard by: slave for the man
Dirty old hobo to passing tourist girl: Mmm, mmm, mmm… I could eat for three days off your fat pussy.
Tourist girl: I'm not fat!
Dirty old hobo: No, but your pussy sure is.
Tourist girl, rushing away: I'm gonna cry.
–Soho
Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time!
–Hostos Faculty Dining Room
Overheard by: glad she's leaving
Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food
Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then…
–Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: allison
Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits.
–Upper West Side
Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry.
–95th & 2nd
Bus driver: Good morning passengers! You may have heard recently that bus drivers have been put on a diet to make them nicer and more helpful. Now this doctor has told me, “No more bacon and eggs, but a nice bowl of oatmeal. Oh, and lots of water, fruit. And instead of stopping for some pork fried rice in the afternoon, with chicken wings, a nice piece of flounder, maybe with some butter and herbs.” Now it's been 15 days, and I am so much more polite to passengers, saying “Good morning. How do you do?” I'm even nicer to mama when she gets home. Helpin' her with her carriage and bags; lowering the bus for people at the curb. So I just want to thank you and let you know to bear with me for another 15 days. Thank you and have a nice day.
–B61 Bus
Overheard by: I should have eaten breakfast
Guy #1: They don’t have my supplement here.
Guy #2: Try the health food store.
Guy #1: I would, but every time I go in there that woman tries to clean my aura.
–CVS, Bleecker Street
Girl #1: What does a brain tumor feel like? Cause I think I have one.
Girl #2: I don't know, but that's horrible.
Girl #1: Yeah, it would suck a lot. It just feels like there's a lump, in my brain. I'm really out of shape, though, so I'm hoping the lump is just another pile of fat building up in my bod.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: pomy
Girl #1: Oh my gosh…identical twins..with man-chins!
Girl #2: Oh! They work at Hooter’s!
Girl #1: What? How did you know?
Girl #2: I noticed them when I went last week. They were all blonde and skinny there but those two definitely tied for most freakish.
–9th & 48th
Overheard by: Diane C.
Girl: What I really want is a guy who is kind of skinny and almost homosexual.
Fat male passerby: I can be that guy!
–14th & 2nd
Headline by: h
Runners-Up:
· “But One Who Isn’t a Scientologist and Didn’t Star in the “Mission Impossible” Movies” – Hostrauser
· “Drew Carey Believes He’s a Hipster.” – Stephalee
· “I Can Be Seven Of That Guy” – Belvedere Jones
· “I’m Not Skinny, but I’m All the Way Homosexual–it Balances Out.” – KarenD
· “It Was Rosie O’Donnell” – Jess K.
Skinny girl: Overweight people have the best sense of humor. Skinny people–
Fat girl: –They’re not funny.
Skinny girl: I don’t know what it is about being fat.
–Alumni Hall elevator, NYU
Overheard by: zelda
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. There is a problem with a signal and there are trains in front of us. The good news is, there's a bar car!
–Metro North
Overheard by: Anna
Obese lady buying pork chops to obese friend: I be cutting down on on soda.
–Troy Ave & Park Place
Exasperated woman: And he was drinking Jack Daniels before he even got to my place…
–3rd & 6th
Overheard by: j
Female suit on cell: Well, what do you expect? It was green Gatorade and grain alcohol!
–Broadway & 54th St
Overheard by: Loren
Bag lady to another: Listen, Alice, if you don't want to lose your leg, you gotta drink water, they'll take your legs otherwise.
–42nd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Robin
Frantic woman on cell: Oh my god! There is no soy milk anywhere in this city! (sprints out of Starbucks)
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: ellie
Tough guy outside bar with friends: So I like apple juice. What the fuck?
–East Village
