Diet/Weight

NewsFlash: Crackhead Slain on 2 Train! Film at Eleven.

Crackhead to white girl: I want a little white girl. Okay, a little white lily, she so mad, I want a little white girl, not a black girl, they broke my heart too many times. You think I'm harassing you because you're white and I'm black.
Girl on train: I'm not white, okay? I'm not white, stop looking at me. I don't look remotely white, or Caucasian.
Crackhead: I'm not into fat girls, so I'll look somewhere else. I'm not into fat jokes, just black jokes. You probably think I'm into white guys, not white girls, just call me gay. Are you trying to slip away?
Girl on train: Did he just call me fat?

–Downtown 2 Train

Down From Her Usual Four Chins

Girl #1: Did you see Lisa’s London trip pictures?
Guy: No.
Girl #1: She actually had a double chin in some of the pics.
Girl #2: That’s great!

–Union Square

Isn’t That Sweet?

[Skinny girl takes box of equal out of her pocket and puts half the packages in her coffee.]Friend: What are you doing? You’re going to get cancer!
Equal girl: Yeah, but I won’t get fat.

–Starbucks

Should Someone Call Animal Precinct?

Woman: One grande caramel frappuccino with extra whipped cream, please.
Man: You know there’s six or seven hundred calories in that, right?
Woman: It’s not for me, it’s for my hamster. I swear.

–Starbucks, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: fion

And That Was When Fat Albert Went Straight

Five thugs ascending subway steps see cop on the street: Ho! The pigs! Oink! Busted! [They run and one starts breathing heavily, wheezing.]Cop: Maybe you should have taken the elevator.
Fat thug: Shit! There’s an elevator?! Where’s the elevator?! [After they all go to look for the elevator] There’s no elevator! He tricked us!

–Lorimer St, Brooklyn

But I Didn't Even Get to Describe the Size and Texture

College guy #1: I've been working hard to lose weight this year.
College guy #2: I can certainly see the change in your face.
College guy #1: Yeah, I've been crapping a lot lately.
(college guy #2 is silent)
College guy #1: I mean I've been dumping a whole lot.
College guy #2: Okay, that's enough.

–Gym, Columbia University

Nobody Trusts a Chubby Hobo

Guy from restaurant to hobo: Hey, do you want something to drink?
Hobo: Sure, what do you have?
Guy from restaurant: Pepsi, Coke, Sprite…
Hobo: Anything diet?

–75th & Broadway

Overheard by: uneditedtales

Less of a Vibe and More of a Wave

Teen girl #1: She just has this sexual vibe about her–
Teen girl #2: No, she doesn’t. She’s fat!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: brownthomas

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.

–Henri Bendel

Overheard by: Stephan Dion

Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: ednapontellier

Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.

–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place

Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?

–Broadway & 50th St

Overheard by: Peter

Unless Cocaine and Penises Count

Chubby girl: I need to lose some weight before I go on vacation. What did you eat when you went on your three-day diet?
Anorexic girl: Uh…I didn't.

–Union Square

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