Woman to younger boyfriend: Honey, that Chinese food that you brought over is still in my fridge. I was going to throw it out.
Younger boyfriend: No, I'll eat it.
Woman: You don't think it's gone bad?
Boyfriend: It's only two days old. You're 31, and you haven't gone bad yet.
Woman: That makes no sense, and in any event, you haven't eaten me in a while either.
–Upper East Side
Overexcited white male: She just pulls my bathing suit down and starts…and then she lifts up my legs and starts licking my asshole!
Fascinated white male (laughing): Whaaaat?! …so, what did it feel like?
Overexcited white male: Dude, I'm not gonna' lie, it felt kind of good. Like a tickling, tingling sensation.
–C Train
Overheard by: tom o
Bum: Can I get a smoke?
Well-dressed 20-something: Sure man. I just ate a girl out!
Bum: Did she cum?
20-something: I don't know, she didn't let me do it for very long. (bum walks away) I can still taste her perfume!
–Penn Station
Girl #1: So both the girls took off their panties and spread their cheeks for the crowd. And you would not believe it, but the one girl started eating the other one’s ass!
Girl #2: Nothing says “goodnight” like a good ass licking.
–Vespa, Upper East Side
Overheard by: Steve
Old lady #1: His head was between my legs.
Old lady #2: Was he big?
–M23 bus
Overheard by: Priscilla Perez
Professor: So, the probability you’re dealing with a straight is determined by what comes out the back end here.
–Statistics lecture, Columbia University
Overheard by: Chuckles
Blonde hairstylist to male customer: Men are easy. I could do 15 men a day.
–Upscale hair salon
NYU professor about expertise involved in determining chicken gender: When was the last time you turned over a chick?
–NYU
Biology professor: Homo erectus? Homosapiens? I don’t know… So many homos.
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Catherine
Prim older lady: You guys could eat out. Also, you could go out for dinner… Yes, I’m twelve.
–Relish, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ursula and Winifred
Drunk woman: I won’t sleep with people when I’m drunk. I’m not like that. I get drunk and I punch people in the face… I’m totally against infidelity. I can’t deal with that. I mean, I’ve been caught cheating lots of times, and it totally sucks.
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Caitlin
Guy: So, he’s pissed off because he’s dating this fucking hot stripper — she’s, like, West of freaky — and he can’t tell anybody because they’re all friends with his fiancé and would tell her.
–Brooklyn-bound D train, Atlantic Ave stop
Overheard by: just visiting
Girl on cell: Sorry, I’m on my way to the airport. It was either go to Michigan or cheat on my boyfriend… No, I’m going to Michigan.
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: Cat Darcy
German girl, after breaking kiss with another chick: Don’t worry about my husband too much…
–Frost St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: jayloo
Black man on cell: … So I put my hand between her legs… Nah, she wasn’t wearing any panties… She’s mad cool, but she’s married…
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Izabela
Ghetto mama: … And I said to her, ‘No, I did not fuck yo’ husband. But I did let him eat my pussy!’
–Nostrand Ave
Overheard by: Kris S.
Guy: … And then she gets all pissed because I wouldn’t go down on her after we made love.
Female friend: Did she orgasm?
Guy: Well, no, but I really didn’t want to get my own semen all over my face!
Female friend: She gets your semen all over her face all the time!
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: agrees with the woman.
Girl #1: When Jeff ate me out, all I was wearing were my socks.
Girl #2: That’s sad…
–J train
Overheard by: Mona
Dark-skinned immigrant: I had oral sex with two white women. My first time with white women.
Friend: How was it?
Dark-skinned immigrant: Ummm… Salty.
–Supreme Court, Bronx
Overheard by: Big Larry
