Eating Out

Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!

–8th Ave & W 55th St

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.

–Uptown 6 train

Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.


Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds

Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?

–43rd & Lex

Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.

–Washington Heights

Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!

–115th St & Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Melissa Berry

Asian girl: Do you want to go eat Korean food?
Little brother: What does it taste like?
Asian girl: It’s like American food.

–Manhattan Mall Food Court, 33rd & 6th

Polite diner: So would you?
Girlfriend: Would I what?
Polite diner: Lick your own vagina if you could.
Girlfriend: Absolutely not.
Polite diner: Well I would, it's delicious.

–Restaurant, 11th & 2nd

Girl #1: What’s cunnilingus?
Girl #2: It’s like when a guy blows you.
Girl #1: It’s a gay blow job?

–B44 bus

Overheard by: Sergey

Girl: Why don’t you ever invite me to the dorms?
Guy: ‘Cause if you wanna come, you should ask.
Girl: Well, do you want me to come over?
Guy: If I don’t have to study, yeah.
Girl: Well then you should invite me!
Guy: Why?
Girl: ‘Cause it would make me happy!
Guy: What the hell do I care?
Girl: Well, you wouldn’t go down on me if you didn’t want me to be at least pleased.
Guy: That…is probably the best argument you could have made.
Girl: I’m so glad no one speaks English on this train.

–1 train

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Woman: Actually, now that I think about it, I guess I’ve had sex in both of the Sheratons.

–53rd & 7th

Overheard by: Erich Pelletier

Teenage Spanish girls: Mister, mister! Where'd you get that belt?
Guy: (mumbles)
Girl #1: You know that's the gay belt, right? That belt is gay, yo.
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #2: Yeah, that's the gay belt. You better take that shit off! Are you gay?
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #1: Then take that shit off man! You can't have a gay belt. What store did you get it at? Didn't they tell you when you bought it? Mister, you better return that shit to the store!
Girl #3: Maybe he's bi. Hey mister, it's okay if you're bi. I mean, I like eating pussy.

–Uptown N Train

Overheard by: Jeff

Early-20’s girl #1: Well, how’s the sex?
Early-20’s girl #2: [Mumbling.]Early-20’s girl #1: Hmmm, but oral sex? Is he good at that? I hear guys are very bad at giving oral sex.

–Häagen-Dazs, Park Slope

Teen girl #1: He wanted to eat me out.
Teen girl #2: Really?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he was like, “Bend over,” and I was like, “No.”

–1 train

Musician: See, that’s why I don’t drink. So I can fuck any time.

–26th between 6th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mike

Guy: Where can I go to make it look like I went home last night?

–56th & 9th

Overheard by: David

Ghetto chick: …and it’s not like I’m calling him a transsexual, but he gave oral like a starving lesbian.

–58th & 5th

Overheard by: Melissa