NYU guy #1: Do you think if the crane falls on us I can get an extension on my midterm?
NYU guy #2: Definitely, man.
–3rd Ave & 14th St
NYU guy #1: Do you think if the crane falls on us I can get an extension on my midterm?
NYU guy #2: Definitely, man.
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Dude: Man, it was harder to cheat on that test than to just do it!
–23rd & Lex
Overheard by: Lisa
Girl on cell: Yo! I’m in class trying to act all straight, and it’s hard. No, I have a test right now. I took like four o’ that shit. I have to go, my professor’s here.
–John Jay College of Criminal Justice
Overheard by: hannah
JAP: Well, the professor hates me. He only thinks of me as the girl who leaves 20 minutes into his class, and I don’t know how to change it.
–Shun Lee Palace
Overheard by: colette
Student: Shit, my iPod is more important than my classes.
–Borough of Manhattan Community College
Overheard by: Caitl
Hipster teen: He got rejected from community college? He must have written on his essay, ‘I want to prey on Bronx Science kids and mug them.’
–6 train, 68th St
Overheard by: glad they went to private school
Guy: Is it a good idea to pursue a career in law just because I love Law and Order?
–Pace University
Overheard by: Pants
Suit: You know what I should have done? Skipped law school and gone straight to the Army!
–C train, 23rd St
Paralegal: I seriously wish that I could just give up this law thing and become a lion trainer.
–Battery Park
Girl on cell: I mean, I think a law degree is really, like, fluid. You can do anything with it. Like, I don’t know… practice law?
–6th Ave & Canal St
Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram
Undergrad #1: I think business is, like, so boring.
Undergrad #2: Yeah, well, I think history is, like, so redundant.
–Bathroom, Pace University
Professor: If you put a frog in a beaker of water and gradually heat it, at about 160 degrees or so the frog will look around and say, ‘Oh, shit! I’m dead!’
–NYU
Overheard by: Emily J
Professor, as student closes window and piece of paper floats outside: At least it wasn’t a body.
–SVA
Overheard by: jaclyn
Professor spastically spilling coffee on text: I just got so excited by Emerson I ejaculated my coffee all over him.
–Literature class, Columbia University
Professor: The Native Americans used peyote as part of their religion. And if you do peyote, believe me, you’re going to have a religious experience. You’re going to think you’re flying next to God, like, ‘Hey, God! Why you going so slow?’
–Columbia University
Overheard by: leilah
Professor: Please turn off your cell phones, beepers, pagers, interactive Gatorade bottles… Thank you.
–College
Overheard by: Kaleena
Writing teacher: … And I thought to myself, ‘These people are artists. They’re not supposed to be acting like normal people. They should be acting aloof and riding some sort of bizarre bicycle that they made themselves.’
–Eugene Lang College
Professor: I’m so not used to teaching like this… It’s like a classroom.
–Eugene Lang College, the New School
Overheard by: rpk
NYU student #1: I think our degrees will definitely appreciate in value over our lifetimes.
NYU student #2: Yeah, dude, especially when the rest of the world is destroyed and New York becomes Mega City One.
–Juan MacLean concert, Union Square
Overheard by: deke shearon
Nu-metal kid: Man, I haven’t been arrested in so long!
–St. Mark’s Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Barrie
Teen boy commandeering speaker: Next stop: Riker’s Island.
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Victoria
Black tranny to another: Honey, that’s the worst thing you can be called up in jail!
–Christopher & Greenwich St.
Overheard by: Walking away even faster
Ghetto mom on phone: If you report it they’ll have to arrest the both of us.
–Cablevision office, Brooklyn
Middle-aged wankster: Yo, I rubbed ‘Get Money Oil’ on my apron one time, and that week I got fired from fuckin’ three jobs and I got fuckin’ arrested! Don’t fuckin’ mess with witchcraft!
–Coldstone, 6th Avenue
Overheard by: rpk
Old teacher: Teaching tenth grade isn’t so bad. By that time the rotten ones don’t bother to show up or they’re already in jail.
–E train
Overheard by: jobee
White, mid-40s nerd petting dog: You know, I think it’s really funny how a guy can pet a dog and everyone thinks he’s the nicest guy in the world, but the second he does it to a stranger on the street, they wanna lock him in jail.
–Marquet Cafe, E 12th St.
Overheard by: Grace
Drama Major: If I have to hear one more thing about Ancient Greek or Roman Drama.
Drama Minor: Oh, I know.
Drama Major: I have Oedipus coming out of my ass!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Douche
Guy: Just look! Look behind us! There’s nobody! I just bought coke. Look, just give me 20 back and I’ll leave you alone all night. I swear. I don’t go to F.I.T. I go to West Point.
–8th Ave & 25th St
Teen girl: That is not correct use of that word.
Teen Boy: Yes it is!
Teen Girl: You don’t emit a noxious odor when you ‘bifurcate’!
–68th and 3rd
