NYU student #1: Ew! That movie was like porn!
NYU student #2: I don’t know why we watched that in class!
NYU student #3: Disgusting!
–Outside lecture hall, Silver Center
NYU student #1: Ew! That movie was like porn!
NYU student #2: I don’t know why we watched that in class!
NYU student #3: Disgusting!
–Outside lecture hall, Silver Center
Mom to 13-year-old boy: Honey, that was really scatological.
–Bleecker & 6th
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Woman: No, tiny Katie — the one with the enormous mammary protruberances.
–R train, Queens Plaza
Overheard by: I mean I wanna squeeze ’em!
Suit mom to teen daughter: We should go, but before we do, perhaps we should urinate.
–Barnes & Noble, Court St
Overheard by: Zenana
Dude: I have many ways to distance myself from other people. Primarily gastronomically.
–12th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: tbull
Man on cell: I am so not litigious. I am, like, violently not litigious.
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Nora
Girl: I mean, come on! We’re in college! Can’t the word ‘silly’ stay in the dorms? I mean, there’s a dictionary full of words that could be used to describe something so… erroneous.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Trendy Asian girl on cell: So, Max came over last night and we were in the kitchen, and he lifted me up onto the counter and was like, ‘I am gonna fuck you so hard,’ and I was like, ‘Whoa, oh my god!’ But I couldn’t go through with it. So he walked over to the fridge, opened it up, and put his head inside and started, like, banging his head against the wall. I know, can you believe that?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Emily Leatrice
Hipster: I’d feel more comfortable in a sex club than going on a date.
–Penn Station
Hot chick on cell: Yes! Yes! O-M-G! We are sooo going to have a sex-a-thon! Get the girls together, my place, tonight! [To gawking passengers] Sex and the City -athon. Fucking perverts. W-T-F.
–N train
Overheard by: not invited
Teacher: Every time you put a penis into a vagina you’re risking sex.
–Health Class, LaGuardia HS
Overheard by: mf
Girl: I heard two people having really loud sex on my floor last night. It was either gay guys or Asians, I couldn’t tell.
–Cafeteria, Manhattan School of Music
Overheard by: Christiana Little
Fat suit: He made me watch while he fucked some girl, so I’m gonna make him watch while I fuck some guy!
–Astor Pl
Overheard by: Glad I wasn’t the other guy…
20-ish chick: What? I fornicate all the time, and I’ve never been arrested!
–Subway station
Overheard by: subwayrider
Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn’t know…
–6 train
Overheard by: 21 and knows better
Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?
–Broadway & Bond
Overheard by: the bfd
Dude: What? You’re not from Illinois, you’re from Chicago!
–Cheesecake Factory
Female tourist: Where’s Chicago, again? Oh, that’s here in New York, right?
–Outside Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Genissimo
Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!
–Outside Javits Center
Overheard by: Tara
Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?
–Max Brenner, Union Square
Girl: So, for our Geology class we’ve got to come here for a field trip to look at rocks.
Guy: Central Park is 100 percent man-made.
Girl: But the rocks are real, aren’t they?
–Central Park
Overheard by: McJohnny
NYU student: I feel like the professor didn’t scare me enough about the final exam y’know? So then, like, I didn’t get nervous enough, so then I didn’t study enough, so then I didn’t do well on it, y’know? So, like, it’s really my professor’s fault, y’know?
–Korean deli, 13th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Joseph O’Connell
Cop: Yeah, the open-book exam? I passed it on appeal.
–45th & Broadway
Guy on cell: … Fucked me, dude. Fucked me hard. Bent me over the desk and rammed a bluebook right up my ass. Sooo fuckin’ hard…
–Union Square
Guy: I should have studied for this final… But the tequila was so good!
–NYU Silver Center
Student to professor during final: Do you want us to use our intelligence or follow the instructions?
–Columbia University
Girl looking at GRE study guide: I’m not very smart. I took a practice test the other day and didn’t do good.
Friend: ‘Well.’ You didn’t do well.
Girl: No, it’s ‘good.’ A person is ‘well’ — like, ‘I’m doing well,’ but a person can’t do something well, they do it good.
Friend: You’re wrong.
Girl: No, that’s how it is.
–Barnes & Noble, 5th Ave
Guy: I was bored the other day, so I sang the alphabet song while counting on my fingers to make sure there really are 26 letters… There are.
Girl: Dude, you know what you get for that? [Hugs guy.]
–E train
Overheard by: Peter G
Obnoxious teen #1: Oh my god! You like her? She’s a whore!
Obnoxious teen #2: Ummm… She’s in my math class, you know. She’s really smart.
Obnoxious teen #1: Smart and a whore. That just means she won’t get an STD.
–Nail salon, Bleecker St
Overheard by: Samideluxe
High-heeled freshman ringleader: Who invented long division? That guy was smart… He was probably lying in his bed looking at the ceiling and was like, ‘I know, just put them in a little house!’
–1 train near Barnard
Overheard by: Alicia Van Couvering
College dude to chick: Statistics are bullshit, just like facts.
–6th St & 5th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Rawn
Girl: I use, like, a hundred minutes an hour.
–Queens College
Chick screaming at four-year-old girl: 40 minus 14 is not 34!
–Baxter & Canal, Chinatown
Cashier to employee: They didn’t make you take a math test? When I was a bank teller they tested everyone to make sure you could do math at an eighth grade level. I guess they stopped doing it ’cause too many people failed.
–Duane Reade, Forest Hills
