Tourist man: Honey, why don’t we just go back to the room?
Tourist woman: Okay. We’re all going to calm down. We’ve done everything we can do. The police report has been filed. We’re all going to forget. We’re going to take a deep breath, and we’re going to move on. A new trip, a new beginning. Our new objective is to simply maneuver from point A to point B without getting mugged.
–Outside Urban Outfitters, 72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Katie
Little boy: How come every time you come around, my London, London Bridge…
Father: I told you, I don’t like that song. Stop singing it.
Little boy: …wanna go down, like London, London, London…
Father: If you don’t stop singing it, I’ll kill you.
Little boy: …wanna go down, like London, London, London…
Father: That’s it, I killed you. You’re dead. No one can see you now.
Little boy: I can’t be dead. I have to pee.
–Uptown 2 train
Overheard by: Ashwini
Yuppie woman #1: I just couldn’t believe it. Just because I give my child everything he wants and asks for, she has the nerve to tell me that I’m giving my son a sense of entitlement.
Yuppie woman #2: I can’t believe she said that.
Yuppie woman #1: Yeah. The nerve!
–Downtown 2 train, Fulton St
Little boy: Why are some roaches just roaches and others are cockroaches?
Older sister: Because the roaches with a cock in the front are meaner and nastier.
Little boy: Oh.
–A train, 86th St
Overheard by: Prefers the latter
Mom to little girl: Honey, don’t be mean to your brother!
Brother: Yeah right, Mom, she already stepped on the baby in your stomach.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Steffie
Drunk college kid: I had to read Grapes of Wrath. Which, by the way, has no grapes! Pissed me off!
–53rd & 7th
20-Something chick: Non fiction? That’s true stuff right?
–Barnes & Noble, 54th between 3rd & Park
Older sister, giving younger brother a book entitled Living in Sin: Here, this is all about you.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Guy, to friend reading Dostoevsky’s The Idiot: Hey, is that your autobiography?
–Times Square
Overheard by: John
Ghetto white dude: Yo, that nigga is like Shakespeare. Mad gangsta.
–9th St & 4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: shannon ramlochan
Guy: You can’t talk to me for half an hour about Chaucer and then tell me you have a boyfriend.
–St Mark’s & 3rd
Young woman #1: So my mother-in-law is in Israel now.
Young woman #2: Oh. That really sucks. Bad timing, huh?
Young woman #1: No, I would say it’s perfect timing. I don’t want her to come back.
Young woman #2: True.
–23rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Stephanie
Woman: Nigga, where you goin’?
Boy: Mom, action figures!
Woman: Nigga, the action figures is right here!
–Toys R’ Us, Times Square
