Guy #1: Did you give anything to your boyfriend for Valentine’s Day?
Guy #2: No…I didn’t. I date girls.
Guy #1: Oh. Really?
Guy #2: Yeah. Why would you think that I go for guys?
Guy #1: I just always thought…
Guy #2: Really? Why?
Guy #1: Well you’re bald.
Guy #2: But you’re bald too.
Guy #1: Yeah. Exactly.
–Elevator, Rockefeller Plaza
Overheard by: Shacks
Queer: You know who I feel really bad for? Really ugly people.
–Mug’z Sports Bar, Belmont
Teen girl: Now what she needs is a razor dildo.
–93rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Alissa R.
Guy: Dad, you had to see this broad; she must have been 200 to 250.
Dad: Like you’re some prize. You are 40, divorced, have 3 kids and live at home with your parents.
–68th & York
Overheard by: Anthony DiGangi
Man #1: Yo, your girl is huge.
Man #2: I like big ladies; more to love.
Man #1: But damn, she’s all, “Baby, give me more macaroni and cheese. Ooh yeah baby, put more cheese on top.” That’s sick, man.
Man #2: Yeah, but she knows how do to her thing, you know?
Man #1: Fuck that. She can’t even get through a sentence without running out of breath. Coughing and wheezing, sweat running down her face.
Man #2: What do you want me to do?
Man #1: Give her a fucking carrot or something! Shit.
–C train
Overheard by: Melissa Fahlstrom
Guy #1: …he always wears the cheapest clothes but always has the most expensive sneakers!
Guy #2: Yo, white people bug me. They always wear crappy clothes, they be wearing green shirts, brown shirts…
Girl: But they always have nice cars, houses, they go on nice vacations. I’d rather wear cheap clothes and have a nice house and go on nice vacations.
Guy #1: You’re missing the point!
–N train
Overheard by: tanechka
Guy #1: I met this girl, she was perfect.
Guy #2: Whaddya mean?
Guy #1: She was like a mannequin.
Guy #2: Interesting concept…
–77th & Lexington
Overheard by: Jules Cattie
Old man: You are the most beautiful woman in the world.
Girl: Aw, thanks!
Guy: She has crabs!
–Times Square 1/2/3 station
Overheard by: Meaghan Stefaniak
Fratboy: This one is awesome. Chicks love it….or, um, dudes, if you’re into that kind of thing.
Suit: I am, thank you.
Fratboy: Awesome. Good save, huh?
Suit: Yeah. Thanks for the recommendation.
Fratboy: Anytime.
–Vintage New York, 93rd & Broadway
Dude: Do you guys sell bling?
Store guy: All the way in the back, under the skeleton pimp.
–Halloween Adventure, 4th Avenue
Overheard by: Hank Luxford
