K.d. Langsday One-Liners

Chatty woman: There were two lesbians, or transsexuals, or whatever you call it…

–26th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Crazy shouting hobo: Lesbians are rapists! Lesbians are rapists! You stick your tongue in a pussy, you're a rapist! Rapist lesbians! Lesbians are rapists!

–E Train

Woman on cell: Of course I thought she was a lesbian! She walked like a dude!

–Sunset Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Laura

Middle aged woman to male on train, in one breath: Scientists say that in 2012 the sun will line up with the milky way and change the axle on the earth and you know it is hard to be a black lesbian cause most of these women just get tired of men and have sex with a woman but that doesn't mean they are bisexual just because they have sex with men and women and they ain't really lesbians they just think they are cause they have sex with women…

–D Train

Overheard by: thomas

Normal-looking girl to girlfriends: Do you know how many woman hit on me when I was in San Francisco?

–Bedford & 6th

Man on street: Does anybody need a lesbian lover? Because I'll get a sex change…

–79th St & Broadway

Posted on August 10, 2014
Brooklyn, Gays and Lesbians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Questions, Sexuality, Trains Not Subway, Trannies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, West Village, Women

I Was Wondering the Same Thing

Guy #1: What’s with the queerfest?
Guy #2: It’s tomorrow night.

–Ave A & 3rd St.

Posted on August 6, 2014
Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Lower Manhattan, Street

Warning: Cross-dressing has been found to cause cancer in laboratory animals

Customer: I’m looking for a book. The computer said it was in stock when I was here before but it wasn’t on the shelf. Can you check to see if it’s saying that it’s still in stock?
Clerk: Sure.
Customer: It’s called Drag Diaries.
Clerk: Yeah, it’s saying that there’s one in stock but we sold a copy in May. That might be the one we’re showing as still in stock.
Customer: Right.
Clerk: It would be in gay studies. You can check again.
Customer: Then do you have anything on crystal healing?

–The Strand

Posted on August 3, 2014
Books & Writing, Clerks, Customers, Gays and Lesbians, Store, The Village

Punchlines without Straightlines

Very Straight Guy: Hey, it’s not like I’m giving Ellen DeGeneres a claddagh ring!

–Jeremy’s Ale House

Overheard by: Megan Buckley

Posted on August 3, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Gripes, Guys, Music, TV

By and large

Former Columbia student: By and large, Barnard girls are Bi and Large.

— East Village, private party full of recent Columbia alumni

Posted on July 30, 2014
Assholes, Diet/Weight, Gays and Lesbians, Union Square and East Village

Ms. Manners 2004

Girl: She’s a lesbian. Why are you trying to find an excuse that she’s not a lesbian? That’s very rude.

–W Train

Posted on July 30, 2014
Etiquette, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, One-liners

A gay man in Chelsea?

Two men walking arm-in-arm down 8th Ave. in Chelsea: “Wait, I don’t get it. You mean you want to date, like, girls?”

Posted on July 23, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Questions, Wishes & desires

You Can’t Make This Crap Up

An activist interrupts a group of yuppie chicks having a discussion.

Activist: Do you have a minute for gay rights?
Chick #1: Sorry.
Activist: Have a good day.

He leaves them to their conversation.

Chick #1: Then he’s been getting after me about how I’m selfish, and about how selfish I am.

–Union Square

Posted on July 16, 2014
Assholes, Flyer people, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Politics, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village, Yuppies

I Learned By Watching You

Gay man #1: You should stop doing coke and just do ecstasy, because the coke makes you a shady bitch.
Gay man #2: Are you on coke right now?

–East Village

Overheard by: Tibbie X

Posted on July 10, 2014
Cocaine, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Druggies, Drugs, Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Union Square and East Village

Gays and Lesbians