Law student, about class: Man, I just wish they didn’t give it a sexy title like ‘International Cartel Enforcement’ and then have it turn out to be about how many copies of a paper to file.
Friend: Yeah, man. That’s like going into a strip club and finding out that it’s dudes stripping.
–Fordham Law School
Black girl: So, she told me that she was into pussy and asked if I was, and I’m like, ‘Ew, hell no!’ That’s just gross. I don’t want to look at that. Vaginas are just nasty. Don’t want to put my mouth on that shit.
Friend: Why not? Guys do all the time.
Black girl: Whatever — that’s their job. Haha, it’s what they get.
–A train
Woman to friend: They couldn’t tell if I was a man or a woman, and I think that was so cool!
–W 39th & 7th
Long-haired creepster with sunglasses: I’m a MILF.
–13th & 5th
Women on cell: Oh, no, sweetie — wear a dress if you want to… Honey, this is New York — no one blinks an eye at a man wearing a dress… Well, I don’t know if you should wear a cocktail dress or not. I would say heels are appropriate…
–Bed, Bath & Beyond, Lincoln Center
Hobo: I’m pregnant and it’s a she-he. Hahahaha! [Runs away.]
–Gold & Fulton
Overheard by: drinkingmycoffee
Lady on cell: Tomorrow I’m watching a transvestite get tried in court. I’m really excited. Apparently, when the cops did the pat-down, they had a male do the bottom half and a woman do the top.
–E 82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: McCarton
Two-year-old girl with tube balloon between her legs: I’m a boy! I’m a boy!
–90th & 5th
Overheard by: Genderfucker
Beer belly on cell: You know — she was one of those transgenders! That’s why she was so hot!
–Driggs & N 5th, Williamsburg
Friend: So, what did you do last night, Amy?
Woman: Well, I kicked my husband off the bed so I could sleep with my daughter and Fluffy. Men are so overrated.
–5th & Madison
Overheard by: Tjay
Thugette #1: Man, where the fuck am I gonna get a prom dress and after-party outfit? You know, I should just sell crack! Ain’t nobody gonna stop me!
Thugette #2: Yeah, that’s the best part about being a girl.
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: DaraDay
Headline by: Zorak
Runners-Up:
· “By the way, are you free to babysit that night?” – bobofthejungle
· “Miracle of birth ain’t got nothin’ on pushin'” – Erin
· “Sugar and Crack and Everything Whack” – The Trayster
· “The Third Wave of Feminism Wants Its Money, Bitch” – clevecinema
· “Well, Other Than the Multiple Orgasms…” – Teppy
Girl #1: Uh… This is the women’s restroom, right?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: This is the women’s restroom, right?
Girl #2: Yeah. Why?
Girl #1: There was just a guy in here!
Girl #3: No… that’s a woman.
Girl #1: Oh.
Girl #3: Yeah, she’s in my class.
–NYU
Headline by: Brady
Runners-Up:
· “Does She Always Stand While She Pees?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “Hermaphrodites 101” – Sami
· “Janet Reno: The College Years” – International Man of Leisure
· “Just because I’m washing my hands, doesn’t mean I can’t hear you.” – aaron Stephenson
Tranny teen #1: Y’all wig-wearin’ bitches just jealous ’cause my weave look fierce!
Tranny teen #2: I don’t care how fierce you think you look switching around with that horse hair tied all up in yo’ head. The minute you open yo’ mouf er’body know you ain’t got no pussy!
–PATH train from Newark to WTC
Overheard by: Manhattman
Guy #1, about babe passerby: Oooh, hey girl. Excuse me, miss? Miss! [Girl turns around.] Hello. How are you today? [Girl leaves.] Man, not even a hello! What the hell is wrong with women today?
Guy #2: I can’t believe you thought she’d actually talk to you.
Guy #1: Why? I’m good looking.
Guy #2: Dude, you’re wearing Tevas. Shut the fuck up.
–69th & Columbus
Little boy who picked Disney princess goody-bag instead of Superman: Look what I got, Daddy!
Father, to party helper: He also always chooses tiaras over crowns.
Little boy, proudly: That’s because I’m more into girl stuff than boy stuff!
–Deb’s Family Disco, Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Dancing Mermaid
Thug #1: … And I was like, ‘Damn, baby. I just bought you some pizza, we’re about to see a movie — is it really imperative that I buy you the Justin Timberlake CD so you can listen to it tonight?’
Thug #2: I know what you mean dog. My girl was beggin’ me to buy her that new Akon shit.
Thug #1: Why can’t bitches just be happy?
–116th St station
