20-something guy #1: I used to fuck guys like you in prison.
20-something guy #2: Please. If you had been to prison I don’t think that you would have been the one doing the fucking.
20-something guy #1: I guess that’s true.
20-something chick: Fucking morons.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: Bang-Around Bob
Yuppie girl: Sometimes I feel like it would be fun to live in the projects.
Yuppie guy: Uh, why?
Yuppie girl: Everybody knows each other — it’s like summer camp.
Yuppie guy: But they shoot each other.
Yuppie girl: Yeah — summer camp, but with guns.
–99th & 3rd
Overheard by: Dan
Gym chick #1: I ran a whole half-hour today.
Gym chick #2: A whole half-hour?
Gym chick #1: Yeah, you know why? ‘Cause Star Wars was on and it was so good I couldn’t stop watching.
–YMCA, Park Slope
Overheard by: Jedi Master
Chick to friend: That guy in the Starbucks across the street was such a douchebag.
Guy behind her, leaning in: I can be a douchebag if you want me to [winks].
–Starbucks, St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Alanna
Willing guy: Let’s go stand over here…
Smoking hot girl: So, are you going to eat me on the hood of my car or what?!
–N train
Girl #1: So he slapped you with his penis?
Girl #2: Well, yeah — what else does he have?
–2 train
Overheard by: RetroSarcasm
Dude: Have you ever been to jail on Saint Patrick’s Day?
Girl: No. No, I have not.
Dude: It’s a party! It is such a party!
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: SB
Girl #1: And then we had sex for, like, two hours!
Girl #2: Ew, who wants to have sex for two hours? I’d be like, ‘Get off me.’
–19 W 4th, NYU
College girl #1: So, yeah, he just goes around pooping in people’s closets.
College girl #2: Ewww! Does he steal anything?
College girl #1: No, he just poops and then leaves.
College girl #2: Weird.
–Loews Theater, 34th St
Overheard by: Jenn
Chick: Okay, here is my job application. Under ‘Goals’ I have, ‘Get my people skills to a comfortable level.’ For ‘Steps to Achieve These Goals’ I have, ‘Right now I am passive-aggressive, but I am working to become more aggressive.’
Dude: Ummm, I think you should take out the first ‘aggressive.’ Anyway, you aren’t passive-aggressive, you are bipolar.
Chick: I am not! I just hate everyone!
Dude: Then why do you take the crazy pills?
–A train, near Canal St
