Girl #1: I think I have to stop eating cheese.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I get this really awful nasal drip and it makes me cough so bad that sometimes I even throw up!
Girl #2: That happens because of cheese?
Girl #1: Well, I think it’s also because of drinking and smoking… But I can figure out other ways to eat, but I don’t know how else to get fucked up!
–Stir Cafe
Overheard by: Tom Banjo
Hipster guy: It’s so weird, because I’m a musician and a health freak!
Hipster girl: Oh, I know exactly what you mean.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: A cute Asian girl :)
Black queer on stretcher: Careful with me, darlings, I has a light bulb up my ass!
Bystander in ER: I hope it’s one of those energy-saving, compact, fluorescent light bulbs.
–Beekman Downtown Hospital
Overheard by: Big Larry
Thug: [Hacking cough.]Old woman: You choking again? You keep it up and I’m gonna have to do the hymen maneuver on you!
Thug: Awww, hell no!
–Bx4 bus
Overheard by: some chick
30-ish man: I’m getting fat and going bald. These are the number one and number two things that men fear.
30-ish lady: What about impotence and gay?
30-ish man: Okay, then — numbers three and four.
–70th & Broadway
Little boy: Mom! Mom, look! Mo-ooom!
Mom: What, honey?
Little boy: They have douche bags! Should we buy some for Daddy?
–Pharmacy
Overheard by: Oh really?
Suit: Do you have any headache medication?
Production assistant pulling random stuff out of pockets: Yeah, sure. Do you have a headache?
Suit: No, but I might later… Oooh! Band-Aids!
–Universal Studios kitchen
Overheard by: Gunther
Dad: How about pizza for lunch?
Four-year-old boy: No, I think we need to eat something healthier than pizza.
Dad: But it’s really healthy. See, it has all those tomatoes on it.
–Pinnacle
Man #1: Hey, man, how’s your mom doing? I hear she’s kinda sick.
Man #2: Yeah, she’s not doing so well. She lost her second leg.
Man #1: What? She lost another one?
Man #2: Yeah, son. She called me the other day because she couldn’t find it. I went to her house and looked everywhere for it, but nothing, son… Nothing. It’s fucked up, you know what I’m saying?
Man #1: Yeah, son. That’s some fucked up shit. Damn, son.
–Atlantic & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: MS
Lady on cell: I’m not high maintenance — I just brush my teeth!
–F train
Overheard by: AmityAmity
Big guy on cell: My son swore to us when he was 15 that he would name his first child Toofbrush. He’s 21 now and I remind him of that every day… Who the hell knows? Every time I searched his room I found enough pot to cure the whole world’s glaucoma.
–JetBlue flight 11
Overheard by: Big Larry
Woman on cell: So, wait… The plastic surgeon had his teeth removed?
–12th & 1st
Overheard by: Grace
Girl on cell: I think I forgot my toothpaste at home. Can you mail it to me tomorrow?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Meg
Woman: In 25 minutes you can bake 24 cupcakes. In that time you can take a shit or brush your teeth.
–Apartment 138, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hmmm… do I still want those cupcakes?
Junkie to stoned girlfriend: Yo, you lucky I know somethin’ ’bout teeth or else you woulda ain’t had no teeth left. I woulda put a shot in yo’ mouth, I woulda took out all yo’ teeth, and put a box in yo’ mouth.
–1 train
Overheard by: Lauren Marks
