Health and Hygiene

I Was Talking to Dave

Girl: There’s no way that dog’s mouth is cleaner than mine.
Guy #1: It’s true. Dogs’ mouths are cleaner.
Girl: He was just licking his ass.
Guy #2: You should lick your ass. Maybe you’d be nicer [laughs].
Guy #1: Yeah! [High fives guy #2]. Seriously, though, I’ll lick your ass if you want.
Girl: You sicken me.

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Wrong place right time

Headline by: Jon A.

Runners-Up:
· “At Least Rover Licks My Ass with His Pinky Out Like a Gentleman.” – KMW
· “Central Park Zoo: The Human Exhibit” – SAtCW
· “I’m Not Hearing a “No”” – x halloween jack x
· “My Two Dads: 2007” – SAtCW

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

See the Veins Stuck between My Teeth?

JAP: There’s a smelly girl sitting next to me… Why don’t people like taking showers?
Hipster: Maybe she’s organic… We have this lady that’s organic here. I try to stay away from her. And not because she smells… Because I’m a carnivore.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Omnivorist

Life’s Always Interfering with My Drug Habits

Girl #1: I think I have to stop eating cheese.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I get this really awful nasal drip and it makes me cough so bad that sometimes I even throw up!
Girl #2: That happens because of cheese?
Girl #1: Well, I think it’s also because of drinking and smoking… But I can figure out other ways to eat, but I don’t know how else to get fucked up!

–Stir Cafe

Overheard by: Tom Banjo

Everybody Hates Me

Hipster guy: It’s so weird, because I’m a musician and a health freak!
Hipster girl: Oh, I know exactly what you mean.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: A cute Asian girl :)

He’s Been Thinking Globally, but Acting a Bit Too Locally

Black queer on stretcher: Careful with me, darlings, I has a light bulb up my ass!
Bystander in ER: I hope it’s one of those energy-saving, compact, fluorescent light bulbs.

–Beekman Downtown Hospital

Overheard by: Big Larry

Oh, Yes — It’s How I Lost Mine in the ’80s

Thug: [Hacking cough.]Old woman: You choking again? You keep it up and I’m gonna have to do the hymen maneuver on you!
Thug: Awww, hell no!

–Bx4 bus

Overheard by: some chick

Aren’t Public Speaking and Death in There Somewhere?

30-ish man: I’m getting fat and going bald. These are the number one and number two things that men fear.
30-ish lady: What about impotence and gay?
30-ish man: Okay, then — numbers three and four.

–70th & Broadway

He Misses American Idol

Little boy: Mom! Mom, look! Mo-ooom!
Mom: What, honey?
Little boy: They have douche bags! Should we buy some for Daddy?

–Pharmacy

Overheard by: Oh really?

Do You Still Have That Special on Tampons?

Suit: Do you have any headache medication?
Production assistant pulling random stuff out of pockets: Yeah, sure. Do you have a headache?
Suit: No, but I might later… Oooh! Band-Aids!

–Universal Studios kitchen

Overheard by: Gunther

Your College Tuition Plan Revolves around My Life Insurance

Dad: How about pizza for lunch?
Four-year-old boy: No, I think we need to eat something healthier than pizza.
Dad: But it’s really healthy. See, it has all those tomatoes on it.

–Pinnacle

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