Wednesday One-Liners Get What’s Coming to Them

Girl on cell: It was spanky-wanky like I’ve never seen.

–72nd St & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Scarfish

Brunette on cell: It doesn’t sound that bad… Get a hold of yourself, it’s only a little torture.

–Waverly & University

Punk hootchie #1: I mean, why shouldn’t we feel pain when we want to?
Punk hootchie #2: [Shrugs.]Punk hootchie #1: I mean, my mom’s on ecstasy all the time, so why shouldn’t she try out bondage?

–Manhattan-bound 7 train

Loud chick: Objectify me!

–116th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Mixmaster Mike

Chick on cell: He likes to go slow and gentle, which is okay, but sometimes I wish he’d just pull my hair and spank me a little.

–11th & Broadway

Posted on March 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Hootchies, On Cell, Sex

St. Christopher’s Starting to Get Ragged Around the Edges

Creepy hobo: May you reach your destination in safety.
Hoochie: Scuse me?
Creepy hobo: May you reach your destination in safety.
Hoochie, cheerily: Thank you, sweetie!

–Outside Pacific Street Station

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on March 19, 2015
Brooklyn, Default, Etiquette, Hobos, Hootchies, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Wishes & desires

Someone Has to Set Our Gender Back

College girl #1: Yeah, she’s afraid to go out anywhere. She always thinks she’s going to get raped.
College girl #2: I don’t understand the big deal about rape. If it happened to me I’d be like, ‘Oh, well, it was bound to happen.’
College girl #3: Haha, you’d probably like it.
College girl #2, nodding: Yeah, I would.

–Elevator in apartment building

Overheard by: Neil

Posted on March 6, 2015
Elevators, Hootchies, Rape

That’s My Kind of Sharing!

Girl #1: My tits feel weird.
Girl #2: What do you mean?
Girl #1: I did Party Tits at the share this weekend.
Girl #2: What??
Girl #1: Party Tits. You get saline injected into them, and they get really big. It wears off in a few days. The guys love it.

–Subway platform, Fulton St

Posted on March 5, 2015
Hootchies, Rack, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Funny Story — I Ended Up at a Different Orgy

Guy: So, tell me about this new boy.
Girl: Well, technically I’ve already slept with him.
Guy: Really?
Girl: Remember that orgy? The guy who wasn’t Richard? That was him.
Guy: You know, I wasn’t at that orgy.

–4th & Mercer

Posted on March 1, 2015
Dating, Friends, Hootchies, Orgy, The Village

Or Glazing the Ham

Girl #1: I’d totally teabag him! Wait, what’s the female equivalent of teabag?
Girls #2 & #3: Hmmm…
Queer #1: I dunno — what do you call it when someone dangles lunch meat in your face?
Queer #2: Roast beef curtains?
Girls: Ewww!
Queer #1: No, no, wait! It’s a cold cut swipe!
Everyone: Ewww!

–JFK

Overheard by: K to tha B

Posted on February 10, 2015
At the Airport, BJs, Eating Out, Friends, Hootchies, Queer guys, Talking/Convos, Weirdness, Words

A Wednesday One-liners Short Story

Guy: My wife is just a hoot. She just tries and tries to undermine me.

–Craft, E. 19th Street

Girl: She’s into God and stuff like that. I hate that shit.

–C train

Overheard by: jason steinhauer

Slut: …all I know is that it’s $40,000 and you’ve gotta buy him breakfast in the morning.

–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Posted on January 22, 2015
Family Ties, Girls, God, Guys, Hootchies, Prostitution, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Are Out the Door Before the Condom Comes Off

Building worker on cell: Like her? No, I don’t like her. I have to like every girl that I bone? Terrible? Why is that terrible?

–52nd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: blatto

Guy on cell: I’m looking for someone to, excuse my language, fuck, not just have sex with.

–Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Jason

Eurotrash: So then I felt bad because he couldn’t guess who I was and so I gave him a hint. I told him I would meet him at six o’clock at the motel, because you know, that was like our place!

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy: You sleep with them once and they expect you to bring your toothbrush and loofa over the next time.

–Tad’s Montana

Overheard by: Mishen

Girl on cell: Remember how I was talking to that guy in London? Well, he’s coming to visit for five days. Yeah, it’s gonna be fun. I’ve decided, after he leaves, I’m not going to talk to him anymore. What’s the point? It’s not even a relationship, it’s a pseudo-relationship. You fight and get mad and what for? I’m not moving to London, he’s not moving to New York. Yeah, so we’ll have fun, and then when he leaves, I just won’t talk to him anymore. How is that shady?

–N train, Astoria

Overheard by: MissPinkKate

Girl: Yeah, I feel like I’m bangin’ the whole world!

–Columbus Circle subway exit

Posted on January 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Blue-collar workers, Booty Call, Eurotrash, Hook Ups, Hootchies, On Cell, One Night Stand, Players, Promiscuity, Wednesday One-Liners

Where Is She Working???

Hoochie: I’ve been working for her for seven years. And I’ve been wanting to smack her up for seven years. And tonight, she gave me the opportunity.
Cashier: What if she called the police?
Hoochie: She couldn’t call no cops. It was self-defense. She’d go to jail.

–Bodega, Bensonhurst

Posted on January 2, 2015
Bitch-slap, Bodegas, Hootchies, Queens

Some People Find Pedophilia Very Spiritual

Teen ghetto girl #1: But you’re 15! That’s 5 years. You’d be like a pedophile.
Teen ghetto girl #2: It’s not like I’m looking for a relationship. I just wanna bone.
Teen ghetto girl #1: I need to bring you to church. You need every kind of religion there is.

–1 train

Overheard by: inge

Posted on December 30, 2014
Age/Aging, Ghetto Chicks, Hootchies, On the Subway, Religion, Sex

Hootchies