Old Jewess #1: So this hooker comes up to us, both of us, and offers us a menage a trois.
Old Jewess #2: I once visited that museum.
–The Met
Old Jewess #1: So this hooker comes up to us, both of us, and offers us a menage a trois.
Old Jewess #2: I once visited that museum.
–The Met
Old Jewess: Where are you from originally?
Preggers: China.
Old Jewess: Oh that’s good, because you know everyone wants an Asian baby now.
–Filene’s Basement, 79th & Broadway
Overheard by: Barth
Law chick #1: I assume you passed the corporate accounting exam?
Law guy: Yeah, somehow. I couldn’t get the balance sheet to add up so I just added $130,000 in cash to assets to make it balance. It was a total Hail Mary but it worked…Wait, can you do a Hail Mary at a Jewish law school?
Law chick #2: Sure you can. There’s less interference.
–Cardozo School of Law, 12th & 5th
Girl: Excuse me, is you popcorn kosher?
Counter guy: Um…I, ah, I dunno.
Girl: Do you even know what kosher means?
Counter guy: Hey, Geraldo. Is our popcorn kosher?
Geraldo: What the fuck’s kosher?
–Loews 84th Street Theatre 6
Man: You wore red panties to your brother’s funeral?
Woman: Yeah, I wore green shoes too…You wanna say something about it?
Man: Oh…very…Christmasy.
Woman: I thought you were Jewish?
Man: Well, I am. But I’ve heard of Christmas before!
–Canal & Mulberry
Jewish man: But I was here first! I was waiting!
Black chick: All right sir, just calm down. It doesn’t matter. Get a life.
Jewish man: Why don’t you go back to jail?
Black chick: Yeah, and why don’t you go get some viagra or something?
Jewish man: Yeah, I’d need it for you.
Black chick: Fuck you, bitch!
–Court Street Office Supplies, Brooklyn Hights
Overheard by: mrmcd
Guy #1: She’s really religious, she even goes to a Jesuit school.
Girl #1: Oh! Like JTS?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: What? Isn’t Jesuit another word for Jewish? Like Orthodox or something?
Guy #1: Um, no.
–Columbia University
Rabbi: It’s been two weeks and that’s pretty long for me.
–34th & 7th
Girl: I’ve seen pictures of you as a child. You didn’t look Jewish. Hitler would have loved you. Well, until he saw your penis.
Guy: Wow…uh…wow.
–78th & Columbus
Jessica Cutler: Twelve of my last sixteen boyfriends were Jewish.
–Happy Ending, Broome Street
