Kids

Wednesday One-Liners Know When to Stop

Bus driver: We should be arriving in Port Authority soon, hopefully at our schedule arrival time, but it all depends on the Lord of the tunnel.

–Port Authority Bus

Overheard by: Emily

M60 bus driver, under breath, to traffic ahead: Mush. Mush. Yeah, mule. Mush. Git along.

–106th & West End

Bus driver on PA: Madam, don't let your children swing on the hand bars…this is not a jail.

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: bonoboxoxo

Funny bus driver in soft-spoken jazz voice: This is Madison Avenue. If this is you, get out. I wish I was getting out. Does anyone know how to get out? Next is Park Avenue…or it's not. Is anyone listening? Thanks for the smile.

–M16 Crosstown Bus

Announcer on bus (waiting for someone to request a stop): Come on, my line's open. Someone dial my number. Come on, you know the number! (a passenger requests a stop) There we go! Thanks for calling! I knew you would!

–M16 Bus

Overheard by: alli

Shirley Temple Was Always a Precocious Tyke

Woman: But where does your money come from? Who gives it to you?
Little girl: The world.

–34th St Subway Station

Like Satan Claus, For Example

Woman to toddler: The devil is evil. That's why his name is spelled “d-evil”.

–Greyhound Bus

The Genesis of Kaylee's Stool-Holding Neurosis

Mom, showing baby box of Dora the Explorer-themed diapers: Look, baby, you're gonna have Dora!
Baby (touching box): Dora!
Dad: You and Dora gonna have beef after you crap all over her.

–Target, Atlantic Terminal, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt Johnson

Yeah, Good Point Mom, I'll Just Make One out of My Discman and Some Liquid Instead

Mom: The police are going to be everywhere today. They have to watch out for terrorists who might have bombs in their bags.
Little Boy: What if I accidentally have a bomb up my butt?
Mom: They'll have to squeeze it out of you. Being a policeman is a dangerous job.
Little Boy: But what if I fart, and it explodes?!
Mom: Being a policeman is a dangerous job.

–F Train

Overheard by: Stephanie E.

Aww, Egregious!

Eleven-year-old #1 (gasping): You have a PSP? That's so *royal*!
Eleven-year-old #2: I know! Isn't it sexy?

–JetBlue Flight, JFK

Overheard by: emily

Where Instead of Plastic Horses You Get to Ride Actual Dudes

Girl #1: Yeah, that carousel one is for kids.
Girl #2: Oh, I know that. But they like have one for dudes too, right?

–Bryant Park

…You'll Be Proud to Throw Them Over Your Shoulder Like a Continental Soldier

Little girl to mother: Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow?
Mother (under breath): You're laughing now, but one day…

–86th & York

Overheard by: Micaela

But You'll Be Gone Too, Right?

Three-year-old girl: Do you get lots of clothes when you die?
Jamaican nanny: No, not at all. Your daddy will be gone, and your mommy will be gone, and your sister will be gone, and your grandma will be gone. You will be all alone.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Louis

Ironically, the Lights Are Really Advertisements for Anti-Hallucinogens

Tween #1: Look at them lights in the sky. They look like Batman lights.
Tween #2: No, man, that's angels coming from heaven.
Tween #1: No, that's aliens coming down to interrogate us.

–President St & Franklin Ave, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: JvC

Headline by: Michael

Runners-Up:
· “But Both Were Wrong, for It Was Divine George Bush Descending From His Presidency.” – AlphaBeta
· “It Was a Street Lamp.” – Paul K.
· “Lucas and Spielberg – the Tween Years” – TV
· “Or, As People Out in the Country Call Them, “Stars”” – BabakganoosH
· “Pop Culture – 3: Science – 0” – The Joker
· “Robert Pattinson Gets an Unexpeected Visit After They Take the Aliens to Their Leader” – Tuesday’s Intern
· “The Anti-LSD Ads Write Themselves” – Adam B.

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

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