Mom: The police are going to be everywhere today. They have to watch out for terrorists who might have bombs in their bags.
Little Boy: What if I accidentally have a bomb up my butt?
Mom: They'll have to squeeze it out of you. Being a policeman is a dangerous job.
Little Boy: But what if I fart, and it explodes?!
Mom: Being a policeman is a dangerous job.
–F Train
Overheard by: Stephanie E.
Eleven-year-old #1 (gasping): You have a PSP? That's so *royal*!
Eleven-year-old #2: I know! Isn't it sexy?
–JetBlue Flight, JFK
Overheard by: emily
Girl #1: Yeah, that carousel one is for kids.
Girl #2: Oh, I know that. But they like have one for dudes too, right?
–Bryant Park
Little girl to mother: Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow?
Mother (under breath): You're laughing now, but one day…
–86th & York
Overheard by: Micaela
Three-year-old girl: Do you get lots of clothes when you die?
Jamaican nanny: No, not at all. Your daddy will be gone, and your mommy will be gone, and your sister will be gone, and your grandma will be gone. You will be all alone.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Louis
Tween #1: Look at them lights in the sky. They look like Batman lights.
Tween #2: No, man, that's angels coming from heaven.
Tween #1: No, that's aliens coming down to interrogate us.
–President St & Franklin Ave, Prospect Heights
Overheard by: JvC
Headline by: Michael
Runners-Up:
· “But Both Were Wrong, for It Was Divine George Bush Descending From His Presidency.” – AlphaBeta
· “It Was a Street Lamp.” – Paul K.
· “Lucas and Spielberg – the Tween Years” – TV
· “Or, As People Out in the Country Call Them, “Stars”” – BabakganoosH
· “Pop Culture – 3: Science – 0” – The Joker
· “Robert Pattinson Gets an Unexpeected Visit After They Take the Aliens to Their Leader” – Tuesday’s Intern
· “The Anti-LSD Ads Write Themselves” – Adam B.
Little kid: Mommy, what's peyote?
Mom, looking around nervously: Ummm…ask your father, sweetie.
–F Train
Pissing guy on phone: What do you mean you're not going to have sex with me? (entire bathroom laughs hysterically) See! Even these motherfuckers agree with me!
–Bathroom, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Bobby
Dad to young son in bathroom stall: Aim in the bowl. Aim in the bowl. Aim in the bowl. Did you aim in the bowl? Did you aim in the bowl? (son comes out of stall) You did! But you didn't flush. One out of two ain't bad.
–Bathroom, Union Square Movie Theater
(constipation grunts and electronic sounds are heard inside next stall)
Guy in next stall, on walkie-talkie: Hey, Tony, turn the walkie-talkie off when you take a shit!
–Men's Room, Hilton Hotel
Drunk white girl: Oh my god, this bathroom is so dark. How am I supposed to see my vagina?
–East Village
Tall black British guy using the urinal, to himself: Repeat aftah me…you are a rock star! Ah! Yeah!
–5th Avenue
Guy on bench smoking cigarette, on cell: But he has no problem lifting his legs so you can eat his ass.
–Central Park
Cornrowed boy to cornrowed girl: Stop chewing on me!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Kelly D
Random girl showing a picture to friends: I'm eating the baby's head. It's what I do in my spare time.
–College of Staten Island
Overheard by: Nameless
Woman to another with colored contacts: I just want to eat your eyes!
–Elevator, Broadway & 32nd St
Four-year-old boy to teenage babysitter: Oh, yeah? I'm gonna bite your vagina!
–86th & Broadway
Woody Allen lookalike: But buses are so creepy. I mean, what if there are cannibals on the bus?
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: or snakes
Random guy: She still breastfeeds her kids.
Random girl: How old are they?! Like 4 or 5?
Random guy: 9 years old.
Random girl: What!? That's ridiculous.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Teresa
