Little boy, singing and dancing: I'm too sexy for my skin, too sexy to be here, too sexy for this train. Oh yeah!
20-something woman: Stop it! Be quiet!
(train doors open)
Little boy, yelling: I'm gorgeous! (taunts 20-something woman and other passengers with a teddy bear, throwing his arms in the air) I'm gorgeous!
–R Train
Girl, telling joke: A seven-year-old daughter said to her mother: “Today in school I learned where babies come from.”
Mother: Oh, really?
Daughter: Yea, a mommy and daddy take off all their clothes, the mommy makes the dad happy and his thingy stands up a little. Then the mommy puts the thingy in her mouth and the thingy stands up all the way and explodes, and that's where babies come from.
Mother: No, honey, that's where jewelry comes from.
(laughs)
Guy listening, with horrified face: Wait a second, my mom has a shitload of jewelry. Oh, goddammit, eewwwwwwwwwwwww!
Girl: I'm never going to look at your mom the same way ever again.
–Arthur Avenue
Overheard by: Reza Daneshvar
Teenage Latina to friend: So I want my next man and me to have more in common. My man, he gotta dress ghetto, you know, baggy pants, piercings, and chains, but he can't be no pimp or dirty slut. He can't be having no nasty diseases. He can't have no kids or none on the way and he can't have done no time, yet.
Friend: Gattita, I hear you. But what'cha gonna do with him?
Teenage Latina: Well, he's gonna have to like scary movies and reggaeton, Mexican food, and… (pauses to think for a moment) French fries! You know, them white people's food.
Friend: Holla.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Carrie
10-year-old daughter: Mommy, why you always belly bumping me?
Mother: That's right. The belly's hitting you.
10-year-old daughter: He's always hitting me, mommy.
–Elevator, Ridge St
Bus driver: We should be arriving in Port Authority soon, hopefully at our schedule arrival time, but it all depends on the Lord of the tunnel.
–Port Authority Bus
Overheard by: Emily
M60 bus driver, under breath, to traffic ahead: Mush. Mush. Yeah, mule. Mush. Git along.
–106th & West End
Bus driver on PA: Madam, don't let your children swing on the hand bars…this is not a jail.
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: bonoboxoxo
Funny bus driver in soft-spoken jazz voice: This is Madison Avenue. If this is you, get out. I wish I was getting out. Does anyone know how to get out? Next is Park Avenue…or it's not. Is anyone listening? Thanks for the smile.
–M16 Crosstown Bus
Announcer on bus (waiting for someone to request a stop): Come on, my line's open. Someone dial my number. Come on, you know the number! (a passenger requests a stop) There we go! Thanks for calling! I knew you would!
–M16 Bus
Overheard by: alli
Woman: But where does your money come from? Who gives it to you?
Little girl: The world.
–34th St Subway Station
Woman to toddler: The devil is evil. That's why his name is spelled “d-evil”.
–Greyhound Bus
Mom, showing baby box of Dora the Explorer-themed diapers: Look, baby, you're gonna have Dora!
Baby (touching box): Dora!
Dad: You and Dora gonna have beef after you crap all over her.
–Target, Atlantic Terminal, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt Johnson
Mom: The police are going to be everywhere today. They have to watch out for terrorists who might have bombs in their bags.
Little Boy: What if I accidentally have a bomb up my butt?
Mom: They'll have to squeeze it out of you. Being a policeman is a dangerous job.
Little Boy: But what if I fart, and it explodes?!
Mom: Being a policeman is a dangerous job.
–F Train
Overheard by: Stephanie E.
Eleven-year-old #1 (gasping): You have a PSP? That's so *royal*!
Eleven-year-old #2: I know! Isn't it sexy?
–JetBlue Flight, JFK
Overheard by: emily
