Kids

Little kid whispering: I don’t have to pee.
Dad: Shut up.

–Men’s room, MoMA

Overheard by: dues

Small Canadian mimicking fat kid: You run funny.
Fat kid: Shut up or I’ll eat you. I eat Canadians for breakfast.

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: LSB

Eight-year old boy, barely audibly: Do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Do I have sex? (pause) Well…
Eight-year old boy, slightly more audibly: Naw, do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Kids? Yes. I've got one 24 and one 19. I know they're not really kids, but they still seem like it to me.
Eight-year-old boy: Naw, naw! (loudly) I said “do you have any kid's shoes?”

–Shoe Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eremi

Dealer to 40-ish man with 12-year-old son: Hey, man, I got it all! Ups, downs, weed, coke…
40-ish man: No, thanks.
Dealer, turning to kid: Well, how about some for the little brotha?!

–In front of NY Public Library

Overheard by: Jimi James

(scary looking man scratching balls waiting to cross the street with a four-year-old in one hand. Little boy copies his daddy in scratching his balls)
Little boy: Ouch! It hurts!
Scary man: That's cause you're not doing it right.

–E.16th St, Brooklyn

Little boy, passing gym: Oooh, they’re doing exercises in an exercises store!
Little girl: Is that their job?
Mother: I told you to stop asking so many damn questions!

–B51 bus, Brooklyn

Father: So, what did you guys do at Timmy’s* sleepover?
Boy: I don’t really remember… We had one too many milkshakes.

–1 train

Little tourist kid: Daddy, I want to go ice skating!
Tourist dad: I swear to god, you can go ice skating back in El Paso!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: liag

Boy to mom: Mom -my dradle commands me.
Mom: Ummmm… Okay honey… I’m not sure its supposed to do that.

–UWS Bookstore

Young hipster: I want drink!
Concessions clerk: What? Snapple? What?
Young hipster: Drink! I want drink! [Pounds counter.]Concessions clerk, utterly confused: You are too young to drink.
Young hipster: I want drink! And purple!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: attendee