America's First Black Wednesday One-Liners

Tranny heading toward Halloween parade, seeing Sarah Palin costume: Oh my god! That's the lady President, right? The assistant President!

–W 4th St Subway Station

(muslim hot dog vendor bows down to pray at 5 pm)
Child in stroller: Look! Look! Mommy! Barack Obama!

–W 60th & Columbus

Overheard by: Brian

Thug, to hot girl passing by: Hey! Yo, girl, excuse me! (she keeps walking) So, you're voting for McCain, then?

–60th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex A.

Little girl: I want to vote for Obama…because he's the first black person to run against Bush.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Dana

Sidewalk watch vendor: These are the watches Obama wore before he became Senator!

–33rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: crosstown girl

Little black girl trick-or-treating with family: Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Obama! Obama!

–Pacific St & Nostrand

Overheard by: Obama Now!

Posted on April 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Families, Girls, Islam, Kids, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Pick-up Lines, Politics, President, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thugs, Trannies, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Whatever, Mr. Gender-Identity Gestapo

Madison Square Garden worker: Sir… Sir! Sir, where the hell do you think you're going?
Man, with five-year-old kid: I'm gettin' in the line for the bathroom.
Madison Square Garden worker: Sir, it looks to me like you're trying to get into the ladies bathroom.
Man: But I got a kid!
Madison Square Garden worker: Did you give birth to your kid?
Man: No!
Madison Square Garden worker: Then it looks to me like you're in the wrong fuckin line.

–Madison Square Garden

Posted on April 1, 2015
Clerks, Dads, Insults, Kids, Madison Square Garden, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions

Watch What I Can Do With My Face!

Three-year-old in stroller: Have you ever seen a pussy?
Nanny: No.

–76th St & Amsterdam

Posted on April 1, 2015
Girls, Kids, Questions, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina

Sexed Up Wednesday One-liners

Girl: I wanted to do something like Jenny On The Block. You know: Jennifer Lopez. My character is really hot, but she looks a little psycho.

–13th St. & 3rd Ave.

Teenage girl: Bitch! I did not give you syphilis. I gave you crabs.

–13th St. & 2nd Ave.

Overheard by: Chris Carter

Asian boy: If I could name you anything, it would be “titty”.

–F train

Overheard by: Nathalie

Posted on March 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Kids, Nicknames & name calling, Psychology, STDs, Teens

Abort Playdate! Abort Playdate!

Little girl #1: Guess what my mom told me that your mom told her the other day when we were playing? She had another baby before you and it died!
Little girl #2: No, my mom said that I’m the oldest.
Little girl #1: You are now ’cause the other one died. She died before she was even born!
Little girl #2: That’s impossible! You can’t die before you are born!
Little girl #1: Yes you can. You can die before you are born, while you are born, or after. You can die at any time and you don’t even have to do anything bad.
Little girl #2: I don’t want to play with you anymore.

–Manhattan bound F train
Headline by: Krista

Runners-Up:
· “At her house, Zoloft is served at snacktime” – Krisztina
· “Debbie Downer: The Early Years” – E
· “Did I say something wrong?” – PJ
· “Playtime With Wednesday Addams” – Gabbertoons
· “Sartre’s Daughter Had A Hard Time Making Friends” – xavier
· “She was later known as the girl who kicked pregnant women in the stomach “just to see what happened”” – Danielle
· “Sylvia Plath Never Did Get Along With The Other Kids” – Ariel
· “Was it something I said?” – Jared
· “Welcome to Ayn Rand Kindergarten” – Emily
· “When playdates go bad… next on Springer” – Jenn

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 31, 2015
Death, Headline Contest Winners, Kids, On the Subway

Can We at Least Agree That We Both Hate Freedom?

Little boy with toy machine gun #1: I'm the traitor!
Little boy with toy machine gun #2: I'm the traitor!
Little boy with toy machine gun #1: I'm the traitor!
Little boy with toy machine gun #2: I'm the traitor!
(repeated over and over)

–Marine Park, Brooklyn

Posted on March 31, 2015
Brooklyn, Kids, Parks, Weapons, Weirdness

According to Unsupported Facts Monthly

Girl #1: You know a lot of gays are really straight.
Girl #2: How so?
Girl #1: Most of them want kids.

–Downtown 1 Train

Posted on March 30, 2015
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sexuality, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

And No Way You’re Getting My Kickball in the Settlement

Nanny to boy blocking slide: Hi, are you going down the slide?
(kid shakes head)
Nanny: Well, can we get past you?
(kid shakes head)
Three-year-old friend: Sam, share.
(Sam shakes head)
Three-year-old friend: Sam, share or I will leave you.

–69th & West End