Drunk dude #1: You see, the East Village is not so bad, you need to get out of the Upper East Side more often.
Drunk dude #2: Fuck you bro, the East Village smells like feet, unemployment, and Indian food.
–4th & Ave A
Overheard by: Ahmad Zubair Sahar
Drunk guy to entire restaurant: Everyone I want to make a toast, raise your fucking glasses. Alright — My girlfriend had an abortion, we are not having a baby!
–Silk Road Palace, 81st & Amsterdam
Girl: I’m done with threesomes. Someone always gets hurt. It’s four-gies only from now on.
–Duane Reade, 32nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Jaina Wald
Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore!
–Wall & Water
Overheard by: Aubrie
Man: Hey, anyone want to go to an orgy?
–Central Park
Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need condoms?
–Pharmacy, 82nd & Columbus
Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like anyone there had any real porn background!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Natalie
Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD.
–22nd & Broadway
Loud female suit: Well, at least he wasn’t sleeping with an intern!
–45th & Lex
Preppy girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got myself two tickets for us to go to the Dominican Republic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Dominican cock. Yum!
–34th St
Overheard by: naidababy
A trader is on his cell while on the toilet.
Trader: Is there a time-frame here?
Through the stall is heard the response.
Trader #2: If you see sudden movements, we’ll know it’s time.
–Trading floor bathroom, Park Avenue Plaza
Overheard by: Aaron H.
Old lady: Good lord, I thought maybe you’d fallen in the toilet again.
Old man: That wasn’t my fault and you know it!
Old lady: That is the last time I ever clean the toilet seat and let you sit on it right after.
Old man: Can we just enjoy the show?
–Majestic Theatre, West 44th Street
Tourist lady: Everyone has been so nice in New York; not what I expected.
Woman: We are nice, just self-absorbed.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Renaissance Chick
Chick #1: Omigod, like, if I like your earrings, why should I tell someone else I like your earrings? I should just tell you.
Chick #2: Omigod, I’m just like that too. But really it’s because I love getting compliments.
Chick #1: Omigod! Me, too! It’s the only reason why I say nice things to other people.
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Girl: Fuck nice! I am a born and bred New Yorker, I don’t care for nice. I dont’ want to be nice, I want to be right! Fuck nice!
–O’Neil’s Irish Bar ladies’ room, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: Banana
Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.
–N train, Astoria
Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
–Eckerd, Astoria
Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.
–79th St entrance, FDR
Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.
–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Stephen and Allison
Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!
–New York Public Library
Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library
Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.
–114th & Broadway
Professor guy: Okay everyone, I will see you in 3 weeks. Have a good Thanksgiving!
Girl #1: 3 weeks, that’s awesome!
Girl #2: I know…3 weeks, that’s like a month!!
Girl #1: Literally.
–Meyer Hall, Washington Place
Overheard by: pieces
Girl #1: I don’t know how I feel about him. He’s kind of an elitist.
Girl #2: Well, some people would say I’m an elitist.
Girl #1: Yeah, but with you it’s funny.
–Pratt ladies’ room, Manhattan
Overheard by: Jackie C.
Dude: Hi! Where do you keep your books about revenge?
–Posman Books, Grand Central
Overheard by: Lavender Menace
Mom: …and you have to hold my hand before we go out into the street.
Little girl: Best fucking advice ever.
–106th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
