New Waiter: So I learned a secret tonight. The words “Cheers” and “Brilliant” apparently mean “I’m going to leave you a bad tip”.
Old Waiter: You’re just now learning that? That’s Day One shit.
–Capital Grille, Midtown
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
New Waiter: So I learned a secret tonight. The words “Cheers” and “Brilliant” apparently mean “I’m going to leave you a bad tip”.
Old Waiter: You’re just now learning that? That’s Day One shit.
–Capital Grille, Midtown
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Asshole, pointing at a Chinese woman with Down Syndrome: Look a Mongoloid Mongolian.
–Pearl River Mart, Broadway
Overheard by: Philip
Girl on cell: Well, she wasn’t a better person before she went to rehab, just a more fun one…Yeah, I agree, it would be awesome if she relapsed. God, we are terrible people.
–28th & Madison
A man waves goodbye to two guys trying to help him with the subway map and departs the train.
Guy #1: Was he drunk?
Guy #2: No, he’s just Cuban.
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: Javi
White student: I can’t believe you guys gave my ID to another person!
Security guard: Yeah, I’m really sorry. I wish there was a better system for doing this.
White student: Yeah, they should have all the Asian kids in a separate directory, because they all have the same last names.
–23rd & Lex
Overheard by: Darren Montalbano
White chick: Excuse me sir, are these your bags?
Hispanic man: Yeah.
White chick: Do you mind if I sit here?
He moves his bags to another seat.
Hispanic man: Fucking white bitches! Making me move my bags! Fucking white bitches…sure bitch, sit down. There you go.
A few minutes later.
White dude: Excuse me, sir, are those your bags?
Hispanic man: Yeah.
White dude: Do you mind moving them, please?
Hispanic man: Sure, Cracker Jack cracker, I’ll move my bags so your white ass can sit.
–M14 bus
Girl: I hate southern people.
Friend: How can you hate all southern people?
Girl: I just do. Some people hate black people, some people hate Jewish people, I hate Southern people.
Friend: Why?
Girl: They’re so prejudiced.
–N train
Overheard by: Mystified Brooklynite
Middle-aged woman exiting subway: Man, these are a lotta steps.
Young white woman: Yeah, living in New York is like living on a Stairmaster.
Middle-aged black woman: Amen, sister.
–Broadway & Fulton
American lady: I saw you trying to get ahead of me.
Russian lady: No, no I didn’t.
American lady: Oh yes, you did. You were trying to pull that Russian two-step on me!
–Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
God squad guy: Jesus is the way, Jesus is the way, take a prayer book because Jesus is the way!
Man: Look, buddy, it’s New York. We’re all Jewish in one way or another. Try Jersey.
–Union Square West
Overheard by: CW
Blonde girl: So, you’re from Puerto Rico and you just moved here? Wow, that’s so exciting! Do you speak Puerto Rican?
Puerto Rican girl: No, but I speak Mexican fluently.
–Tisch Hospital, 33rd & 1st
Overheard by: I speak mexican too
