Girl, squealing: You may kiss me, I consent!
Guy: I’d rather have a dwarf chew off my balls. I hate you.
–Museum of Sex
Girl, squealing: You may kiss me, I consent!
Guy: I’d rather have a dwarf chew off my balls. I hate you.
–Museum of Sex
Tourist: Are there like, [pause], any paintings in this museum, or is it, like, all old sculptures and shit?
Met employee: We have half an old liver somewhere.
–The Met’s Velez Bianco Patio
Overheard by: Cairo
Kid: Mommy, why are there so many pictures of naked people?
Mother: Because lots of people went naked in history.
–European art section, the Met
Overheard by: nixie
Bimbettte, looking at a painting of Joan of Arc: Oooh, that’s so pretty!
Boyfriend: Did you see the movie?
Bimbette: Yeah, didn’t she die or something?
–The Met
Woman: See? I’m really good at boning.
–Gavroche, 14th & 7th
Overheard by: the immature restaurant guest
Woman, yelling over to man during downpour: How come every man I date ends up getting me wet?
–Water Club, 500 E 30th
Overheard by: Carolyn
Burly guy: Dude, can you help me get it up?
–Gold’s Gym, 250 West 54th
Teen: I was so thirsty. Anything that went in my mouth, I swallowed.
–LIRR
Overheard by: kaydot
NYU trendoid: I need some nuts, like, hardcore.
–MoMA
Conductor: Please let the passengers get off before pushing on the train. Get them off. Get them off. Get them off fast!
–Manhattan bound L train
Overheard by: Philip
Girl: Ooo! I’ll suck on it with you!
–3rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: confused grad student
Tourist kid: Mom, am I fat?
Tourist mom: Yes. Now get in the airplane.
Tourist kid: Dad says I’m husky.
Tourist mom: That means fat.
–U.S.S. Intrepid
Museum patron: Tell me the story again about what happened to my bottom?
–Cafeteria, the Met
Woman to misbehaving child: Jamillah Fatima! Do not make me have to make the love connection to your behind on the C train!
–Brooklyn bound C train
Overheard by: ryan
Girl: Man, it’s hotter that 50 butt cracks in here!
–American Apparel, N 6th St, Williamsburg
Idle dreamer: Man…I wish I had, like, 59 butts.
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
Overheard by: i still sell the iPods
Walking VD: I told her straight up I only like her for her ass!
–Kissena Blvd & 71st Ave, Queens
Teen boy: I’m gonna spread your booty cheeks.
–108th & Manhattan
Overheard by: N
Man: Shit, I’ll eat a pig’s ass if they fry it right.
–471 Lincoln Place, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Michael O’Connor
Woman, looking at fossil: So is this like, a thing, or did someone make this up?
–Museum of Natural History
9-year-old girl: Mommy, please can we leave? This doesn’t even make any sense! It’s stupid.
Mommy: Sweetie, it’s not supposed to make sense. It’s senseless art. They’re making fun of real art.
–Dada exhibit, MoMA
Old lady, standing in front of the Leda and the Swan statue: Gee, I guess she must really like that swan.
–The Met
Frat boy: She was real “Helen of Troy” pussy.
–Bedford Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: the fiend
