Woman: Hey, we should go to Alaska sometime.
Man: Alaska? We can’t even find our way downstairs!

–Eskimo Diorama, American Museum of Natural History

Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!

–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum

Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Emily Faxon

Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Canadian Girl

Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!

–Macy's, 7th Ave

Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.

–10th St & University

Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.

–62nd & 3rd

Woman sitting in front of bar with friends: I approached motherhood like I approached my art…

–9th St & Ave C

Overheard by: Juliet

Street artist to tourist: I don't have empathy, I paint empathy.


Hipster arty type to another: She deserves to be roofied; her prints are horrible.

–Pratt Institute

Hipster to another, at Georgia O'Keefe exhibit: That's a lot of vaginas.

–Whitney Museum

Four-year-old boy to father, at 17th century furniture room: This place gives me the creeps!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Me too

Mother to child: I seen that picture you did of that boy kissing that girl. (pause) Darren, your art shit is going far!

–Times Square

Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.

–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave

Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!

–N Train

Overheard by: I want some ribs too

Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!

–Baxter St & Walker St

Overheard by: Kristin

High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.

–86 St

Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!

–Downtown F Train

Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!

–11st St & 3rd Ave

Wife: The Titanic sank for hours?!
Husband: No, the sign says the Titanic sank four hours. Over a thousand people died.
Wife: Why didn't they just get on the life boats?

–Titanic Exhibit

(looking down at Washington Square Park's currently under-construction fountain)
Girl: Oh, is that where the World Trade Center used to be?

–Kimmel Center

Bensonhurst Italian guy on phone: I can't fuckin' wait for the Freedom Tower.

–Financial District

Suit on cell: Does anyone know where 9/11 is?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jeffrey

Tourist: Is this the train to 9/11?

–R Train

Confused tourist (thinking he's looking at the WTC site): Will you look at that? They put a fucking graveyard in there! I mean, what the fuck?

–St. Paul's Church, Broadway & Fulton

Tourist: My favorite is my 9/11 Santa.

–Museum Shop, 53rd b/w 5th & 6th

Old woman: Take a picture of me with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and their son.
Young woman: Mom, the black kid isn’t a wax figure.
Old woman: Well, she just keeps adopting them, I thought it was her son!

–Madame Tussaud’s

Overheard by: Julie

Teen #1: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: What the hell are you doing?
Teen #1: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: Are you growling?
Teen #1, pointing at the postcards on the wall: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: What?
Teen #1: [Retrieves a Lichtenstein print of a dog with the caption “Grr”.] Grrrrrrrr! It started it! Grrrrrr!
Teen #1: I can’t go anywhere with you, can I?
Teen #2, shaking head: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

–Gugenhiem Gift Shop

Overheard by: Hannah C.

Girl looking at giant sculpture of baby just out of the womb: Is that a penis, Mommy?
Mother: No. That’s an umbilical cord, not a penis.

–Brooklyn Museum

Little girl: Mommy, I have a headache.
Mom: Well, maybe we should just get you some sake.
Little girl: What?
Mom: I mean tea. Hot tea.

–Grey’s Art Museum