Young man, about entirely light-blue painting behind glass: What is this? What the heck is this, anyway?
Mother: It’s saying something.
Young man: What’s it saying?
Mother: It’s saying, ‘I’m an extra mirror. I’m here if you need me.’

–Contemporary Art section, MoMA

Girl: She’s Dominican? She doesn’t talk like the Dominicans!
Guy: Well, she’s very well-educated.

–Aztec exhibit, Guggenheim Museum

Child: Mommy, what happened when you were 17?
Mother: Mommy turned to a life of crime.
Child: Well, what happened when you were 18?
Mother: Mommy cleaned herself up.


Asian girl: I was going down the stairs just now, and this girl was getting seriously upset over how horrible she looks today. Then the boy she was with went all, ‘Oh my god, stop it!’ and asked me, ‘Doesn’t she look good today?’
White girl: And then?
Asian girl: I told him she looks lovely, and came here.
White girl: Oh.
Asian girl: But goddammit, I wanted to slap her upside the face! I mean, don’t go around crying over how ugly you look when you’re obviously skinny and gorgeous — that just makes you a bitch!
White girl: Mmm-hm. Seriously.

–Bronx Science

Young physicist: So, dude, are you gonna be around in a few months?
Old physicist: I sure hope so.

–Museum of Natural History

Old lady: I think we qualify as old farts.
Old hubby: Thank you so much for that kind statement.

–Rubin Museum of Art, 17th St

Overheard by: Princess Dy

Chick #1: Shit. Hon, do you have a tampon?
Chick #2: Sorry, babe. I don’t.
Chick #1: Does anyone have a tampon?
Chorus of women in stalls: Sorry. Nooo, I don’t. Can’t help, sorry. Maybe they’ll have a tampon machine?
Chick #1: Doubt it. That wouldn’t be very modern.

–Women’s room, MoMA

Overheard by: Inky Circus

Younger woman: I can’t believe how crowded it is.
Older woman: That’s because they just reopened after being relocated in the Bronx.

–The Met

Angry female vagrant: So it’s my fault?! Fuck you! It’s got nothing to do with me. I never do anything wrong!
Male vagrant, just as angry: How?!
Female vagrant, bellowing: Because I’m a drug addict!

–Outside the Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Emma

Volunteer #1: So, any presidents this week?
Volunteer #2: No, only Henry Kissinger.
Volunteer #1: Oh, I went to high school with him and his brother. They both asked me out, but I wasn’t going to go out with a German refugee.

–The Guggenheim

Overheard by: ash