Nudity

Wednesday One-Liners by Victoria

Puerto Rican girl to another: I never dated a white guy, ’cause they got bad taste in underwear.

–Subway station, Times Square

Overheard by: Mama

Chick: … So I was dancing in the kitchen in my underwear and I looked out the window and the orthodox Yeshiva student guy that lives across the building from me was just staring open-mouthed. I’m never gonna open the curtains in the kitchen again.

–181st St

Overheard by: LSB

Mother to toddler son: Now, honey, close your eyes. This isn’t for you.

–Frederick’s of Hollywood, King’s Plaza

Queer: I totally go out of my way to wear edible thongs to work.

–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Teen girl quickly descending staircase: I didn’t wear a bra again today. My boobs are bouncing down these stairs!

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Suit on cell: Well, I mean, I have thongs… But I really don’t consider those underwear…

–W 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Laura

Can’t Wait to Hear the Too-Personal Part

Chubby girl: I don’t do well with fingers in my ass, but I’m pretty good with balls in my mouth. I’ll tell you a story, but if it gets too personal just tell me to stop.
Nerdy boy: Alright.
Chubby girl: I was at Jason’s house, and, mind you, we were in an awkward position — kind of half-sitting, half-laying down — but it’s always awkward when you’re half asleep, you know? Well, we started kissing, and then my negligee fell down. It literally fell down below my breasts. And Jason was like, ‘I don’t know if I’m comfortable with your toplessness…’

–6 train

Wednesday One-Liners Before the Fall

Chick: …And then when the naked girl got in the balloon I was so scared I thought I would die!

–1 train

Overheard by: Michael Schiano

Dude: It’s like, as soon as you step into a room and take off your pants, all hell breaks loose!

–Allen & Stanton

Overheard by: Griffin

Dude: I swear, like, everyone on this block has seen me naked.

–Outside Rubin Hall, NYU

Overheard by: Josh

Little girl: Look! The nakeds! They’re naked!

–Greek sculpture wing, the Met

Chick on cell: I mean, if I’m going to send my friends footage of me doing topless jumping jacks, I want it to be remembered.

–Harlem

Suit on cell: You wanna know why we’re not friends anymore? Remember the last time you came to my house? I came out of the bathroom and there you were, stretched out on my sofa, naked, playing with your dick. What the fuck was that all about?

–City Hall Park

Overheard by: Big Larry

Doctor to patient: Sir, I am going to prescribe you two things — some burn cream for, well, you know, and some advice: try not to cook without your pants on.

–Beth Israel Hospital Emergency Room

Amber, We’re Strippers

Bimbette #1: This new dress code is gonna suck! Like half my paycheck is on clothes already!
Bimbette #2: I think you’re ok.
Bimbette #1: You sure? My boob fell out like in front of everybody yesterday.

–Elevator, 45 W 45th St

Overheard by: MaryMary

But You Never Ate Her out in a Stall

Girl: Oh my God I just ran into Julianne Moore in the bathroom!
Guy: Whatever, I already saw her naked in like three movies.

–Chelsea Clearview Cinema, 23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Scott

In Fifteen Years, Nothing Else Will Be Remembered About Janet Jackson

Black chick #1: So I got my nipples pierced.
Black chick #2: No way! Let me see!
Black chick #1: Not on the train!
Black chick #2: It’s not like I haven’t seen them before. Remember at Rashon’s party, where you pulled a Janet Jackson?

–Brooklyn bound F train

Overheard by: Scott

Wednesday One-Liners Could Use a Fig Leaf

Girl: I’m almost too comfortable with old-people nudity.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: hannah

Middle-Aged woman: Oh my God, you should have been there to see my husband naked-bodysurfing.

–Thompson & Spring

Man on cell: Yeah… I’m just calling to let you know the Naked Cowboy called in sick today because of the rain. Yeah, I’m going to take his place. I just wanted to let you know. OK. Bye.

–48th & 2nd

Young woman: There’s the Naked Cowgirl. She’s not all that. She’s not even that pretty!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Derek Powazek

Girl: It’s not like when a guy sees you naked, he’s gonna be like, “Yo, I wish you were more muscular.”

–College Walk, Columbia University

Girl on cell: Because grown sisters naked in a room together is weird!

–L train, Metropolitan Ave

Overheard by: Must be weird

Woman on cell: Naked on the couch?… God, I don’t blame you.

–3rd & A

Overheard by: Kira

That’s Not Their Son – Dad Hired Him For PR

Woman on cell: Ooh, so you’re wearing your birthday suit?
Little girl, screaming: What?! Daddy is wearing his birthday suit?! It’s not his birthday!
Woman: Honey! You can’t say that this loudly on the train!
Little girl, five minutes later: So I still don’t understand what a birthday suit is.
Little boy: I told you already! It’s a suit that dad got on his birthday, and he found it in the car today, so he decided to put it on.
Woman: Yep, he’s right.

–Metro-North train, Grand Central

Overheard by: Beth

It Was Like Prison Sex

Girl: They were all over each other, practically disrobing.
Guy: Hey, I might have liked to have seen that.
Girl: No you wouldn’t have. They were Australian.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Wic

Saving Themselves for Marriage?

Teen boy #1: Well, it’s too bad once they have their clothes off you can’t get rid of them.
Teen boy #2: Oh, well I’d be like, “Bitch, what do you think you’re doing? You beast!”
Teen boy #1: Yeah, I guess you can do that. Just like get them naked and then analyze their bodies, and then dismiss them.
Teen boy #2: Exactly!

–86th & 19th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: kelly

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