What What (In the Wednesday One-Liners)

Drunk-looking girl on cell: … And I just received a postcard of butts! Things are looking up!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Ladle

Angry soccer mom: Whoever has his or her hand on my ass, you better be one of my kids.

–Staten Island Ferry

Chick on cell: Ew! Ass striations?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

College girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Needless to say, my ass cleared every surface he had in that room. Twice.

–Downtown B Train

Overheard by: Pola

Tall guy on cell: Listen, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you gotta do is pull out a camera. They drop their panties in a second, at least that’s what I tell the committee.

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Conductor over loudspeaker: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ mama’s ass!

–F Train from Queens

Overheard by: Tina K

Posted on May 11, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Cleanliness, Drunks, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Kids, Moms, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pictures, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Race, Sexuality, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Staten Island Ferry, Subway conductors, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Better Not End Up on the Internet

30-something on cell: Mom, he came over and took a picture of my toilet!

–Spring & Greene

20-something chick: First of all, who poses bare-ass naked on a car in a Wal-Mart parking lot? Secondly, who bleaches their asshole? Third, who takes a picture of it and e-mails it to all their friends?!

–113th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Queer: He photographs really poorly. That’s a big problem for me…

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Overheard by: jess

Woman to friend: You know, just because I work with her doesn’t mean I have to look at photos of her placenta.

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: X. L. Percy

Posted on April 27, 2018
Asshole, Body Parts, Default, Friends, Girls, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nudity, On Cell, Pictures, Porn, Queer guys, Questions, Soho, Starbucks, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

…I Don't Think I Wanna Hear About Your Gyno Visits Anymore.

Woman in Lycra leopard print dress: I had to jam out with my clam out. I had to jam out with my clam out!
Man: Daamnnn…

–Nostrand & Lincoln, Crown Heights

Posted on February 20, 2018
Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Men, Nudity, Vagina, Women

But Without Pockets, They Lose All of It

Little boy #1: Nudists are rich!
Little boy #2: Really? Why?
Little boy #1: They don’t have to buy clothes!

–17th & 3rd

Posted on November 25, 2017
Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nudity

The Legacy of the Sixties

Two men pass each other on the street.

Middle-aged man #1: Hey!
Middle-aged man #2: I didn’t recognize you with clothing on.

–62nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Rachel

Posted on March 11, 2016
Creepsters, Nudity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Put Them on One Leg at a Time

Boy to girl: Does it look like my ass is eating my pants?

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Eight-year old girl: It’s not me, it’s the pants! It’s the pants!

–81st & Roosevelt Ave

Overheard by: Jobee

Woman on cell: No. No. Absolutely not. Look, would you please put some pants on?

–8th & Broadway

Cop to his cop friends: My buns don’t look good in these pants. But hey, what can you do? It’s part of the uniform.

–Times Square Shuttle Station

Overheard by: Heather

Girl on cell: Do you have to shit? Oh… So go in your pants!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Shira

Incredulous thug to friend: You drop your pants to hop the train?

–W. Houston & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on November 27, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Boys, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cops, Coworkers, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Kids, Nudity, Offers and requests, On Cell, Physical appearance, Poop, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Thugs, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Clay was at the Bottom of the Contestants

Queer #1: …Well, he’s going to start his own porn company and he asked me to shoot for it.
Queer #2: So are you going to do it?
Queer #1: Hell, yeah! And I get to go auditions and sit there like Simon Cowell and be like, “You’re hot; you’re gross.”
Queer #2: So when they do auditions do they make them try out and do blowjobs and stuff?
Queer #1: No I just think they make them get naked.

–F train

Overheard by: Joe M.

Posted on November 10, 2015
About Celebrities, BJs, Jobs & Careers, Nudity, On the Subway, Porn, Queer guys

My Ass Exceeds the Specifications for Tights, As Set Forth by the School Handbook

Girl #1: It's really warm, and I really want to take these pants off.
Girl #2: That shirt's long enough to cover your butt, and you're wearing tights under it, right?
Girl #1: Yeah, but still. I'm not white.

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on July 8, 2015
Ass, Clothing, Colors, Girls, Heat, Nudity, Stuyvesant, Wishes & desires

And the Girls Gone Wild Legal Team Has That in Writing

Boy: How naked are we getting at this party?
Girl: Honey, I don't even need tequila to take my clothes off.

–Student Musical, Columbia

Posted on June 25, 2015
Boys, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia University, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Nudity, Questions, Sexuality, Students

Though We Wouldn't Be Able to Charge As Much for Admission

Water polo boy #1: Entertain me!
Water polo boy #2: Dude, why don't we just naked wrestle! (pause) Or we could wrestle with clothes on?

–Edward's Parade, Fordham University

Posted on June 3, 2015
Athletes, Clothing, Fordham, Nudity, Offers and requests, Parades & Festitivites, Weirdness

Nudity