Mean old New York lady: The hostesses in this place are so rude!
–67th & CPW
Overheard by: a hostess standing next to her
College kid on cell: He used my razor to shave his balls….I didn’t know what to do, I just stood there.
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: Omar
Very old lady to husband: You asshole! YOU ASSHOLE! I hate you.
Old husband: Wha?
Old lady: You didn’t wait for me, you fucking asshole.
–Clearview Cinemas, 62nd & 1st
Old lady to old guy: You’re sitting on my dress!
Old guy: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Old lady: Do you enjoy sitting on women?!
Old guy: Well, it depends on how old they are.
–M1 bus
Old man: Oh, yes. Now I remember him.
Medical assistant: Well I’d hope you’d remember him after he stuck his finger in your butt!
–outside urology clinic, 9th & University
Overheard by: Aerialist
Very old homeless woman to sleeping homeless man: You don’t even know how good looking you are!
–28th & 3rd
Overheard by: juju
Little boy: I want your DNA.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Helen V.
Old lady on bench #1: When he was alive, no mail. Now that he’s dead, he gets mail every day!
Old lady on bench #2: Nobody cares til you’re dead.
–31st & Ditmars, Astoria
Overheard by: Cathy Albright
Conductor #1: If you are traveling with small child, the elderly, or the intoxicated, be sure to take them by the hand as there is a large gap between the train and the station platform.
Conductor #2: Dude, shut up.
Conductor #1: Roger that.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: One of the intoxicated
Old man: What?
Old lady: [silence]
Old man: What?
Old lady: She said “Reefer,” not “queefer”!
Old man: What’s the difference?
Thug: The smell.
–3 train
Old mom: 9/11 was 3 years ago, wasn’t it?
Aging daughter: No, 9/11 happened 5 years ago.
Old mom: Really?
Aging daughter: Yeah… but I wish it was 3 years ago, ’cause that would mean I’d be younger.
–E train
Overheard by: Sierra Smith
Old man: [hiccups] Old lady: I’ll kill you, dead!
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Raychel Tumin
