Port Authority

Can You Catch White?

Old black woman: Hey, you! That white woman left her purse! Take it and give it to her! What’s wrong with you? The white woman sitting next to me left her purse here — go after her and give it back!
Young guy: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Old black woman: The white woman! She left her purse! Give it back [throws purse at him and it falls to the floor. Young guy walks away shaking his head.] What’s wrong with you people? Obviously you don’t care!

–Port Authority bus terminal

Overheard by: bri b

Not Too Bad, As Far As Blind Dates Go

A hobo on crutches hobbles towards a chick walking in the opposite direction, and she swerves to avoid him.

Crutchbo: You think you can outsmart me, bitch? Next time I’ll cut you.
Woman: I’m hoping there won’t be a next time.

–Port Authority

Return to the Port Authority

Guy on Cell: Have you ever tried to masturbate while Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You” is playing in the background? Well, it’s more difficult than you think…

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Michael Roche

Jesus: Not Just for Pale, Hairy People

Woman: Yo, I just saw somethin really racist.
Man: What?
Woman: There was a sign in the subway that said “Jesus for Jews, Jews for Jesus.”
Man: Oh, that’s a religous group. Haven’t you ever heard of Jews for Jesus?
Woman: That shit’s racist! Jesus for everybody. Jesus for people of all colors!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Steph

They Came from the Port Authority

Guy: …and they were like, it’s gonna cost sixty, but you get the this, and the that, and for sixty five, you can also get the other thing. I was like, “I’ll just have the chicken.”

–Port Authority

Boss of People: I don’t have to get to work before my guys anymore. Because there are no guys! They’re all laid off.

–Port Authority

First Of All, It's Fiji…

Janitor, looking at bathroom floor: Oh, I don't need this! Look at this water all over the floor! All over the place! Why don't you clean your pussy at home? Pour Evian all over the floor so you can clean your pussy–clean your dirty pussy at home! I don't need this! Water all over the floor!

–Bathroom, Port Authority Bus Terminal

Your Beauty Is Timeless.

Woman #1: I like your watch.
Woman #2: Oh, thank you. I like your face.

–PATH

Is Clinton Still in the White House?

Hobo: Anybody got the time?
Peeing guy: Yeah, it's 4:40.
Hobo: In the afternoon?

–Bathroom, Port Authority

Overheard by: Eric

Dads Just Love the Custodial Weekends

Little girl walking in wedding dress: Where now?
Dad: Okay, so we'll take the stairs to the subway and…
Little girl: Oh no! Not the stairs. No! I'm not taking the stairs. You can't make me. And the subway…? (scoffs at dad)

–Port Authority

Overheard by: WalkonBystander

“Greatest Generation,” My Ass

Old lady, after being pushed by teenage girl: You jerk!
Teenage girl: Well, I really hope you die, like, tomorrow.

–Port Authority

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