Guy #1: I hear if you pee on that third rail thing it will kill you.
Guy #2: Really? Let’s give it a shot!
Guy #2 pees over the side, hitting the third rail.
Guy #2: Fuckin’ bullshit, man! That shit doesn’t even work!
–B platform, 34th St
Guy #1: I hear if you pee on that third rail thing it will kill you.
Guy #2: Really? Let’s give it a shot!
Guy #2 pees over the side, hitting the third rail.
Guy #2: Fuckin’ bullshit, man! That shit doesn’t even work!
–B platform, 34th St
School bus driver: He think he the best driver around. Then I reminded him, he the one that hit that little girl.
–B77 bus, Red Hook
Guy #1: Wait a sec, what train is this? What am I on?
Guy #2: I’m on your mom. That’s what I’m on.
–D train
Guy #1: It’s never too early for public urination.
Guy #2: Didn’t you get a ticket for that once?
Guy #1: Yeah, but that was on the subway.
–11th & Ave A
Overheard by: luilya
Little girl: Where does the H train go, mommy?
Mom: There is no H train.
Little girl: I train?
Mom: No I train either.
Little girl: J train? Where does the J train go?
Mom: To Brooklyn. [Pause] Nowhere we’d ever go.
–F train, between West 4th & 14th
Commuter dude #1: The cars on this line feel smaller.
Commuter dude #2: Yeah, it’s like they’re narrower by just a bit or something.
Commuter dude #1: Oh wait; I think people are just fatter.
–1 train, Upper West Side
Man: You know, there was this electric wheelchair woman, she saw the bus coming and like, zipped right in front of us so we couldn’t get on.
Bus driver: Yeah man, they’re fast, those electric ones.
Man: Yeah.
Bus driver: And vicious.
–M15 bus downtown
Overheard by: running late for work
Guy: My eye won’t stop twitching.
Girl: Maybe you should have thought of that before you wiped sarin on the counter. Oh, oops, I just realized that the subway is a bad place to talk about work.
–E train
Girl #1: Oh my gawd, that guy just dropped his iPod under the train!
Girl #2: He’s not even crying!
Girl #1: He must be in shock. I would be!
–Penn Station, LIRR
Conductor #1: Uh, Jack?
Conductor #2: Yeah Joe.
Conductor #1: We need to stop.
Conductor #2: Stop? What do you mean stop?! We’re in the middle of a tunnel!
Conductor #1: A door just opened.
Conductor #2: What the…..
–N train
Overheard by: melissa
