Luke…. I Am Your Wednesday-One-Liners

Jappy Teenage daughter: Daddeeee! I want you to get rid of sweat.

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: Lord…

Black woman on cell: I don’t like big, Black, aggressive men. I like light-skinned men, cause I’m Jamaican. I just found out I’m Jamaican like five years ago. My mom told me the guy who I thought was my father is not my real father. But you know, I don’t hold nothing against him. Dude paid child support and shit.

–Queens bound 7 Train

Hoochie with baby: As soon as he came outta me and I saw what color he was, oh no, I knew who his daddy was. But I love the shit outta my son.

–R Train

Little girl: When I don’t want to listen to my dad I just say ‘Talk to the hand!’

–Wooster St & Spring St

Little kid in stroller: Dad, is this us?

–Inside subway car on NYC subway IRT line at 34 thst stop

Overheard by: Steve Grant

Posted on October 18, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Love, Money & Class, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sweat, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Wishes & desires

I Guess It’s Fatal, But It Hurts Less than Cutting Myself

Goth chick: That guy missed his train.
Goth dude: Yeah.
Goth chick: Life sucks.
Goth dude: Word.
Goth chick: Wanna go to McDonalds?

–F train

Overheard by: Mike N

Posted on October 6, 2006
Junk Food & Fast Food, On the Subway, Public Transportation

Pirates Have Their Own Ideas About What ‘Clean’ Means

Conductor #1: Conductor, is the Clean Train Campaign in effect for this train?
Conductor #2: AAARRRGGGHHH!

–LIRR

Posted on September 30, 2006
Conductors, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway

Cinderella’s Stepsister Has Second Thoughts About Cutting Off Her Toe Just to Fit into the Damn Shoe

Ghetto chick #1: I’m injured! I should go in the bus first.
Ghetto chick #2: You’re not injured.
Ghetto chick #1: Yes, I am, I bled, I bled on my new shoes!

–Metropolitan & Grand, Williamsburg

Overheard by: sardine in a can

Posted on September 25, 2006
Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Ghetto Chicks, Public Transportation, Shoes, Williamsburg

I Hope So, Otherwise This Whole Trip Will Have Been a Waste of Time

Mom: No, this isn’t our stop.
Small boy: Where are we?
Mom: Christopher Street.
Small boy: Isn’t that where all the gays are?

–PATH train, Christopher St

Overheard by: kris

Posted on September 23, 2006
Gays and Lesbians, Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway

That’s Not Fair – Russians Are White

WASP: Do you know if they’re putting on an express train for the US Open?
Tourist: Um, no, but that’s where I’m going, too.
WASP: I know, that’s why I asked you.
Tourist: How did you know that’s where I’m going?
WASP: Because you’re white. Why else would you be going to Queens?

–7 train, Grand Central

Overheard by: Tennis Fan

Posted on September 21, 2006
Grand Central, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sports, Tourists, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Are Stupid. There. We Said It.

Woman on cell: When you assume, you make an ass of yourself.

–4th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark

Hipster: Yo, what’s up with Filene’s Basement? That shit’s on the top floor!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Tourist: Is that the Enron building?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Robyn

Tourist to security guard: Are these all originals?

–Impressionist Gallery, the Met

Overheard by: j-diddy

Female tourist: I could never live in Central America because I’d miss the ocean.

–Restaurant bathroom, Little Italy

Overheard by: Olia

Girl looking at subway map: What about that thing, that star–“You are here”? They don’t have that?

–(Moving) uptown 1 train, 59th St

Overheard by: Jo

White hipster girl: Is black semen black?

–86th & Park

Posted on September 13, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cum, Global Geography, NYC Geography, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Shopping, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Precocious or Tourettic? You Decide

Mom: No, I’m going to tell you that it’s time to switch to the 1 train now.
Little girl: Nooo. I don’t want to switch to the 1 train. Nooo!
Mom: Oh, I know, switching to the 1 train is sooo dramatic.
Girl: It is dramatic! The 1 train is dramatic! All trains are dramatic!

–A train, 59th St

Overheard by: dallas

Posted on September 11, 2006
Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Public Transportation

Wednesday One-Liners Are Gaga in Gotham

Ghetto girl on cell: How you ‘spect me to find you? This map has, like, so many places on it!

–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens

Overheard by: vix

Tourist: But we are in SoHo!

–16th & 6th

Overheard by: Yours Truly

Tourist to MTA agent: Which train do I need to take to get to South Ho?

–W 4th St subway station

Overheard by: Emily

Teenage tourist: Ohmigod…CBGB… BCBG…Whatever. We totally have to go!

–22rd & 5th

Overheard by: zr

Tourist lady, pointing to Liberty Island: There are people over there. Why are there people over there?!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Not quite sure

Jappy tourist: Hey, we’re trying to get back to New York Island; do you know the best way to get to 48th and 8th Avenue?

–2nd St between A & B

Overheard by: Where Am I?

Yuppie tourist: Christina, Christina! Is this Ground Zero?

–5th Ave, outside Plaza Hotel

Overheard by: D

Posted on September 6, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ground Zero, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Tourism, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Dude, That Was Stephen Hawking

Conductor on loudspeaker: Stand clear of the closing doors! [long pause] Retard!
Loud girl: What did he say?
Conductor on loudspeaker: Yes, I called him a retard!

–PATH train, WTC station

Overheard by: didn’t hold the doors

Posted on August 26, 2006
Girls, Insults, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Trains Not Subway

Public Transportation