Do I Look Like a Congressman to You?

Wasted yuppie dude: Officer, officer!
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: That bouncer at Stan's?
Cop: Yeah?
Wasted yuppie dude: He's on fucking steroids!
Cop: So?

–159th St & River Ave, Bronx

Overheard by: Matt

Posted on February 2, 2015
Cops, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Questions, The Bronx, Yuppies

And “Hot” Just Means “Not Cold Yet”

Older looking woman to younger one: That guy was so hot. I’d love to go out with him.
Younger woman: Are you kidding? He was really old! Like 70!
Older woman: So what? I am 65!

–57th & 3rd

Overheard by: Rachel Kurst

Posted on February 2, 2015
Age/Aging, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Physical appearance, Questions, Street, Wishes & desires, Women

You Also Said That About Plastic Sporks

Four-year-old #1: Do you know who Slash is?
Four-year-old #2: Nope. What is it?
Four-year-old #1: He is from the Guns and the Roses.
Four-year-old #2: What’s that?
Four-year-old #1: It’s dangerous.

–World Financial Center

Posted on February 2, 2015
About Celebrities, Default, Fears, Kids, Music, Questions, Threats, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Ronald Looks Pretty White, Though– Just Sayin'

Foreign 7th-grade boy: Where do you live?
Local 7th-grade boy: Harlem, have you ever heard of Harlem?
Foreign boy: No.
Local boy: Do you know McDonald's?
Foreign boy: Yes.
Local boy: That's where Harlem is.

–3 Train

Posted on February 2, 2015
Foreigners, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Students, Stupidity

You Know the Deal. You Finish Last.

Woman blocking sidewalk for filming: Please wait two minutes. Just two minutes.
Woman barging through crowd: I didn't know this was a congregation area! (curses at woman blocking crowd)
Polite girl: Since the asshole got through, can the nice people go through?

–Bleecker St

Posted on February 1, 2015
Assholes, Girls, Insults, Nice People, Only in New York, Questions, Street, Women

I Only Care About the Important Things, Like the Size of His Apartment

Girl #1: … So, do you have a thing for him?
Girl #2: No. I mean he’s cute, but he’s overweight and doesn’t dress that well.
Girl #1: That never stops me!

–1 Train

Overheard by: p9

Posted on February 1, 2015
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Fashion, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Relationships

And I Always Get Stuck with the Bill

Frustrated looking suit: Okay, well, how about the duck? It looks good.
Vapid looking hottie: I told you! I do not eat seafood!

–Gramercy Tavern, Union Square

Posted on February 1, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Birds, Default, Food, Girls, Idiots, Offers and requests, Questions, Stupidity, Suits, Union Square and East Village

The Tank Was Pretty Much Empty at That Point

Girl, after writing essay: You know how she asked us to write what we thought?
Boy: Yeah.
Girl: I put down that I needed to blow my nose.

–NYU

Posted on February 1, 2015
Boys, Default, Education, Excretions, Girls, NYU, Offers and requests, Questions, Students

Isn't That Why the Lollipop Guild Was Formed?

Teacher: Which race of people were counted as 3/5 of a person during the 1850s in the South?
Student: Midgets.

–Williamsburg High School

Posted on January 31, 2015
Fast Times at New York High, History & Geography, Questions, Race, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Williamsburg

Though I Think Of It As More Of a Divine Calling

Working man: Yo, what's that?
Hobo, shaking cup of coins: Huh?
Working man: What is that?
Hobo: It's a cup, you got any money?
Working man: Yeah, I got money in my pocket.
Hobo: Well, gimme some!
Working man: I ain't got money to be givin' away. I just did my eight hours.
Hobo: Well, I'm gettin' my eight hours too, shit!

–F Train

Overheard by: ninja

Posted on January 31, 2015
Clerks, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, On the Subway, Panhandling, Questions

Questions