Teen girl: Oh, I love your nose! What nationality are you?
Middle aged man: Pardon?
Teen girl: I mean, where were you born?
Middle aged man: USA.
Teen girl: What?
Middle aged man: The United States.
Teen girl: (looks confused)
Middle aged man: …of America?
–L Train
Student: Wait. A vaginal ring is one that you wear on your hand, right?
Teacher: No, you know the vagina, the never-ending tunnel?
–Stuyvesant High School
Professor: So what do you think of when you think of “paternalism”? Anyone?
Student: “Maury”?
–City College
Overheard by: lilli
Young fashionable hipster girl #1: There's this piece of art, called Piss Christ.
Young fashionable hipster girl #2, interrupting: Oh! Is that the poop one?!
–Houston & 1st Ave
Frat boy #1: Ya know that girl I said I thought was a total slut?
Frat boy #2: Yeah?
Frat boy #1: Turns out she was a virgin!
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Alex
Corporate girl: Dude, he's got a monkey.
Corporate guy: A monkey?
Corporate girl: Yeah.
Corporate guy: Like a real monkey? Or a monkey monkey?
Corporate girl: Like a real monkey.
Corporate guy: Does it bite his kids?
–52nd St & Ave of the Americas
Overheard by: what's a monkey-monkey?
Hobo #1: But that's not enough to have pee in my butt…
Hobo #2 (interrupting): What would have been enough? 30, 40 dollars?
Hobo #1: Huh? Well! What the hell are you asking for? Now, exactly, you can pee in my butt for nothing…for a conversation… for a howdy do!
–YMCA
Overheard by: German Deter
Girl #1: Is “dildo” a word? Is it in the dictionary?
Girl #2: It should be, it's a noun.
–15th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Dr.Suze
Headline by: Rosie
Runners-Up:
· “And It’s Not That Hard to Wrap Your Tongue Around It.” – Julian
· “I’ve Verified That It Can Be a Person or Thing.” – Jim
· “Just Look for the Picture Of Bill O’Reilly” – jlp
· “Lesbian Wins Scrabble Contest” – mr. macdog
· “Sure Don’t Script Porn Like They Used To” – benji
Drunk hobo: Can I tell you one thing before I die? Babe Ruth was the best there ever was… But I never saw him, and neither did you! Do you know why?
Blonde girl: No…why?
Drunk hobo: Because you weren't alive…and neither was I. (takes out flute and plays Take Me Out to the Ball Game)
–E Train
Gay guy with lisp: I heard Mark, you know, the fat kid? I heard he slept with the hockey team.
Blonde girl: Funny thing is…we don't have sports teams at Marymount.
Gay guy with lisp: Oh my god! Are you cereal? I was lied to? The queen of gossip is never lied to. Ugh!
Blonde: Don't talk to me… You just said “cereal” in place of “serious.”
Gay guy with lisp: Whatever, I'll tell everyone it was you that slept with the hockey team.
–Marymount Manhattan College
