Tourist teen with new Uggs: Ma, can I wear these out of the store? Please?
Tourist mom: Are you fucking insane? Do you want them to be black in this filthy place? I just paid a hundred and fifty bucks for those. Take your feet out of them and don’t stick them back in until we get back to Michigan.
–David Z, 5th Ave
Overheard by: nicole h.
Big black lady #1: Have you been to that new Queens mall?
Big black lady #2: No.
Big black lady #1: Half the people be shoppin’, half of ’em be watchin’ people, and I don’t even know ’bout the other half. It gets so damn crowded!
–1 train
Overheard by: No Kidding
Man: I need a card celebrating the birthday of the Buddha.
Employee: Um, we don’t have anything specifically for that…
Man: Well, you should. You really should.
–Papyrus, Grand Central
Man on cell: Yeah, I’m here at the store, but I forgot what you told me to get… What do you mean, ‘Who is this?’ How many guys have you sent to the store in the last five minutes? Oh… This is Jeff.
–Duane Reade, 89th & Columbus
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
Dude: I don’t think I’ll do too well on The Price Is Right. I’m too used to Manhattan. I’d say 35 dollars for a box of Bounce. Then I’d be like, ‘Holy shit, five bucks? Goddamn, Bob, where the fuck do you shop?!’
–Times Square
Overheard by: Dave
British tourist to another: A store just for containers?
–58th & Lex
Overheard by: sofs
Bimbette: It was a real Japanese store. The Japanese person behind the counter was Japanese.
–The Hilton
Filthy rich high school girl: You know, I was thinking — like, we go shopping all the time, but like, we buy clothes we never wear…
–79th & Madison
NYU girl: Jenny*, that is so not J. Crew-appropriate behavior!
–W 8th & Broadway
Man holding St. Patrick’s day hat and necklace: Can I get these two for three dollars?
Street vendor: The hat itself is eight dollars! You’re not a bargaining person, are you?
Man: No, I’m from Canada.
–44th & 6th
Overheard by: Parade Spectator
Thug #1: … And I was like, ‘Damn, baby. I just bought you some pizza, we’re about to see a movie — is it really imperative that I buy you the Justin Timberlake CD so you can listen to it tonight?’
Thug #2: I know what you mean dog. My girl was beggin’ me to buy her that new Akon shit.
Thug #1: Why can’t bitches just be happy?
–116th St station
College guy #1: Okay, we need to go to the grocery store.
College guy #2: But that’s so boring! How am I going to update my Facebook status? Drew* is shopping for groceries? That is so lame!
College guy #1: Dude, you really can’t live your life based on an imagined Facebook profile status. It’s just not healthy.
–116th & Broadway
Woman: Nobody famous ever comes in where I work.
Man: Well, we got a lot of famous people when I worked in LA.
Woman: Like who?
Man: Charlie Sheen would come into the store all the time.
Woman: Really?
Man: Yeah, but he’s a fucking freak.
Woman: Oh?
Man: Yeah, he’d hold something up and say, ‘Do you think this is good? Do you? Do you? Do you?’ like, all the time. He’s very fucked up.
–6 train
Ragged old black guy with wad of cash in hand, teasing: You gonna let me cut the line, right?
Clerk: Please get on the end of the line.
Ragged old black guy: I’ma buy me that 250-dollar Blue Label up there. You gonna let me get on the front of this line, right?
Clerk: [Ignores him.]Ragged old black guy: 250 dollars for Blue Label for me to get drunk and run over some kids!
–Liquor store, 23rd & Park
Overheard by: Baby G
Salesguy: See, these big-screen TVs are like another woman to a guy. Seriously. So, if you bring this home it’s like bringing home a threesome. You, him, and this other woman TV. You see?
Chick: Uh, I’m gonna have to think about it.
–Circuit City, Upper West Side
