Students

Regular Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: …Then they gave him enemas until it ran clear. Now he hasn’t had a movement in three days. Should I be worried?

–Subway

Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the upstairs bathroom.

–44th & 3rd

Ambiguously gay actor: Flowers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Overheard by: a girl who poops

Freshman chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.

–Restroom, Hunter College

Cherubic blonde chick to another: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Suit-in-training: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I forgot.

–NYU Stern Building

Guy waiting for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We gotta go out here!

–Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: KeeZ

Which Some of the Barnard Girls Fail to Pass

Columbia boy: That’s the library, right?
Barnard girl: Yeah, but it’s just for girls. They do a muff-check at the door.

–Barnard College

Well, Yeah — In Case It’s Not Apple Cider

Student #1: Holy shit. That girl just dropped apple cider and a carving knife out of her suitcase.
Student #2: Right, but you’re also barefoot and wearing a scuba mask.

–Elevator, Hayden Residence Hall

Overheard by: Will be using the elevators less frequently

…And How Did You Know?

Old, crazy-looking black dude: The problem, James, is that you’re letting pride go to your head!
White college kid whose name probably isn’t James: Who are you?

–Times Square station

As It Clearly States in Joss Whedon's Version Of the Bible

Professor: Does anyone know where the term “Passover” comes from?
Student: It's because the Jews put blood on their doors so Jesus would pass over their house and not kill the first-born son.

–Classroom, Fordham University

Overheard by: dundun

And Who Are You?

College student #1, with Brooklyn meets Boston mystery accent: My uncle is a doctor. Well, he's like a doctor. I mean he works in a hospital, but you know, once you work in a hospital for 15 years you might as well be a doctor cause you know it all by then, anyway. Well, he says that food comas are real. Yeah, you know, it's like the cyanide in the turkey or something.
College student #2: I have no idea what you are talking about.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Dara

Ugly Girls, Represent!

Sixth grader: Yo! Miss Stevens*, how old are you?
Student teacher: 20.
Sixth grader: Are you a virgin?
Student teacher: I don’t think that’s an appropriate question.
Sixth grader: Aight. It’s okay. I’m a virgin, too.

–University Neighborhood Middle School

Overheard by: teacher

The Important Thing is that She Likes Women and Lives Under a Bridge

Long Island law student #1: She is such a B-and-T troll dyke.
Long Island law student #2: Dude, she commutes from the city to Long Island. That doesn’t make her a B-and-T anything.
Long Island law student #1: Fine. Then she’s a reverse B-and-T troll dyke.

–LIRR

Adding Sacrilege to Injury

High school girl: I don't understand what you're upset about.
Middle school boy: She hit me with a friggin' Harry Potter book!

–58th St & 4th Ave, Brooklyn

But Possibly Also Because I Keep Getting Crabs

Barnard girl #1: I was at this party, and there was this guy, but I promised myself I would stop hooking up with strangers.
Barnard girl #2: Right.
Barnard girl #1: But, like, I still don't understand why it's bad to hook up with strangers all the time.
Barnard girl #2: Maybe it's because you're, like, using each other's bodies.
Barnard girl #1: Maybe.

–Le Monde Cafe

Overheard by: this is awkward

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