Patient: I think my boyfriend and I have contracted either gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Patient: Well, he's having kind of a pussy discharge from his penis and a burning sensation when he urinates.
Doctor: And what symptoms have you been having?
Patient: Well, I've had a sore throat…
–NYU Medical Center
Overheard by: The nurse who just had to hear this story…
16-year-old tourist girl #1, looking at a map of Europe: You know that country that is shaped like a boot?
16-year-old tourist girl #2: Yeah…Italy, of couse.
16-year-old tourist girl #1: No, it's not…I know this one…it's…Florida!
16-year-old tourist girl #2: Oh my god! I cant believe you've said that. Florida is in the US!
16-year-old tourist girl #1: I know!
–New York Public Library
Overheard by: Thales H.
Teen girl: Isn't he from Canada?
Mom: No, he's from Nebraska.
Teen girl: Oh, same thing.
–Balthazar Restaurant
Overheard by: Lexcar
Homeless guy, giving umbrella to random white girl: This is for you. In case it rains. This (holding up alcohol bottle) is for me. You know why? Because I'm an alcoholic.
–Penn Station
Man to friend, about the Bruce Springsteen concert that night: You know what? If it starts raining, I'm just going to take off my shirt and scream the whole time.
–Penn Station
Girl: We're on an island, it doesn't snow here.
–St. John's University, Staten Island
Overheard by: Ang
Vendor: Man, I know why we're having to pee so much! It's because it's colder and our bladders are shrinking.
–Flea Market, 82nd & Columbus
Overheard by: EthanK
Woman yelling to complete stranger: It's not raining anymore! It stopped raining! You're the only one with an umbrella!
–Port Authority
Homeless guy hugging another: I love you, old school! You got a cigarette?
–14th St & 8th Ave
Drunk, fighting with another and punching phone booth: I will fuck you up, man! I love you, man!
–E 11th St & 9th Ave
Sloppy drunk dial outside gay club: I love you so fuckin much, mom…like…*more* than Anna Nicole!
–Valda, Gay Bar, NYC
Female NYU student: You don't love Joe Biden as much as I do. Dude, Joe Biden is awesome! He should be gay!
–Tisch Hall, NYU
Overheard by: Blair
Guy leaning against light post, to girlfriend: Listen, I love you…but you're so fucking mean.
–47th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: J&J
Female hipster, loudly: I hate those two! They're egomaniacs with low self esteem!
–Staten Island
Overheard by: Johnny Drongo
Sullen-looking girl: I guess it's just incumbent on me to be cheerful regardless of the fact that I hate everything.
–Warren St & W Broadway
Overheard by: Tha WB
Girl at Dali exhibition: I hate people. I hate museums. I really hate Spaniards.
–Dali and Film Exhibition, MoMA
Overheard by: Andi C.
Concerned girl to friends: Maybe if we stopped singing Simon & Garfunkel so loudly, people would hate us less.
–Grand Central
Teen girl: I just hate her so much! I'm not even going to Facebook friend her, I hate her so much!
–B Train
Overheard by: Jen
European woman wearing I Love NY shirt, holding Sex & the City box set: I hate Americans.
–Canal & Lafayette
Girl on cell: My ex-boyfriend used to call the subway "The MTA," and I was like, "Yeah…this isn't working out."
–Penn Station
Overheard by: I would've dumped him too
Teenager on cell: If, hypothetically, what we had been doing was dating, then technically, hypothetically, he just broke up with me. Fucking douche.
–Finacial District
Cute girl: Don't you know the rules of break-ups? You have to clean out the drawer. You can't bring old lube to a new relationship.
–Essex & Grand
Overheard by: yaletownkid
Guy to friend: So you're telling me that I broke up with her because of lube?
–Park Slope
Guy on cell: Look, I know I said "forever." It's not your fault! To be honest, I just never really liked you that much!
–West 4th St. Subway Entrance
Preppy boy: That was the worst part about breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. She got a 50% discount at Polo!
–Bloomingdale's
Middle-aged lady to guy handing out Obama and McCain condoms: Now I've got something to play with tonight! All I need is a man.
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: I Hate Times Square
30-something dad on cell pushing small child in stroller: You know, I'm all in favor of that Plan B medication.
–Park Slope, Prospect Park
Overheard by: Alex
Girl in elevator to friend: I don't even know why you need condoms, they break anyway. But I didn't get pregnant!
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kar
Guy at the sidewalk: Anybody wants McCain, Obama and Palin condoms? McCain, Obama and Palin condoms…get it here! Because either way, you're screwed!
–Times Square
Overheard by: non voter
Girl to bartender: Can I get some of those condoms? (bartender takes out two) I mean, like a bunch? I'm a big dirtbag.
–Boss Tweeds
Suit on cell: You just wrap it in duct tape and put a condom on it.
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman
Woman's voice, on speaker: Please move forward on this escalator.
20-something suit, going up the escalator: You can't tell me what to do!
Woman's voice, on speaker: Have a nice day.
20-something suit: Fuck you!
–59th St
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
Toy soldier guarding FAO Schwarz: The store is now closed. No exceptions.
Man wearing pants that could only be European: But meester, we are from eetaly!
–FAO Schwarz
Overheard by: magical-newyork.blogspot.com
