Security guy: Ma’am, please step into the back of the store.
Chick: But why?
Security guy: Don’t make this harder on yourself.
Chick: But why?
Shopgirl: They do make it harder on themselves, don’t they?
Chick: Fuck you!
–Sephora, Spring & Broadway
Woman: Dogs are supposed to sniff their trails. I mean, that’s what dogs do, right?
Man: Yes, but that was one stupid, stupid, unintelligent dog…
–Lexington & 59th
Conductor: This is Beverly Road, the next stop will be Beverly Road. Stand clear of the doors.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert
Conductor: This is the last stop on this train, everyone needs to exit the train. (all passengers go out) My bad, this is not the last stop on this train, everyone get back on the train.
–6 Train
Conductor, as train approaches 42nd Street: This is 34th Street, transfer is available to the a and e trains, connection available to Amtrak, New Jersey Transit, and Long Island Railroad. Next stop, 34th Street, Penn Station.
–Uptown C Train
Overheard by: Dara
Conductor: This is Franklin Avenue, the next stop is…I don't know what the next stop is.
–4 Train
Conductor of crowded train: Please do not step onto the train, it is too crowded. There is another 1 train right behind us. Please wait for that one. (doors close) Ladies and gentlemen, there is no 1 train behind us.
–1 train
Wealthy tourist man, pointing at a Starbucks: That must be one of those internet cafés.
–28th & 3rd
Overheard by: Dustin
Employee pointing to wall: See the fire damage?
Tourist mom: Is this where you stash your weed?
–Cathedral of St. John the Divine
Overheard by: amused priest
Daily Show warm-up guy: You all know who hosts this show, right?
Audience member: Craig Kilborn!
–The Daily Show studio
Overheard by: Brian Resler
Man #1: My sister just had a miscarriage.
Man #2: Oh no, that’s awful!…Well, it could have been worse; it could have been a stillbirth.
–42nd & 8th
Wasp woman, looking at Asian Peoples exhibit: Oh, honey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chinese food place we like!
–Museum of Natrual History
Overheard by: Heather
Older man to Chinese friend: You know, Caucasians really can't tell the difference between the Asians and the Chinese.
–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: James
Burly bouncer to burnt-out groupie: Don't think of it as a finger, think of it as an Asian penis.
–11th & 3rd
Tourist on cell: I think I'm heading towards Little Italy, but all I see are Chinese people. I feel like fuckin' Marco Polo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls into pile of trash bags)
–Canal St
Giggling 20-something: So we hired a new intern, and she's Asian!
–Murray Hill
Overheard by: sab
Bimbette: He’s so hot. And his chin is so sharp it could cut steel. No, wait, what’s stronger than steel?
Friend: Diamonds?
Bimbette: Yes! Diamonds! Only diamonds can cut diamonds!
Friend: Well, yeah, but lasers can cut diamonds, too.
Bimbette: Shit.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Little old lady to little old hubby: Fuck you, Dick, I am not crossing against the light! I can’t do it. Fuck you!
–Houston & LaGuardia
Overheard by: Almost peed on myself from laughing
Little tourist to mom: We are jaywalking, yay!
–Outside Sak’s
Overheard by: also jaywalking
Guy on cell: … So it’s fucked up, nights in the city. Everyone jaywalks, and they all wear black… Shit, good point! Blacks! … Yeah, you get a black guy wearing black, jaywalking — that’s a perfect storm of trouble! … I dunno, but I bet it has something to do with why insurance is so high…
–Broadway & Bleecker
Two guys cross street on ‘Don’t walk’ signal as car is coming.
Traffic cop: Hit ’em! Hit ’em!
–35th & 5th
Overheard by: mike
Loud grandma tourist blocking crosswalk: What’s the matter with these people?! Why are they crossing the street? Can’t they see the ‘No crossing’ sign? Where do they think they’re going?
–Times Square
Tourist woman to crowd of pedestrians: No, don’t cross! Here comes the big red hand!
–51st & 5th
Overheard by: Micaela
