Girl #1: My husband had such a hair across his ass last night. He was getting on my last nerve.
Girl #2: “Hair across his ass”? What do you mean?
Girl #1: You’ve never heard that phrase before? “Hair across his ass”?
Girl #2: No, I haven’t. I don’t get it.
Girl #1: Well Jen, tell me, would you be happy if you had a hair going across your ass?
–Gray’s Papaya, 8th Avenue
Coffee guy: Good morning, sir.
Sir: Medium coffee.
Coffee guy: Milk and sugar, sir?
Sir: Yes, please.
Coffee guy: …you go down, sir?
Sir: Excuse me?
Coffee guy: You go down? Down the town?
–Roach coach, Franklin & Church
Overheard by: Bailey Wier
New York girl: Wait, who are the Bengals?
Cincinnati girl: Our football team
New York girl: Wow, that sucks, to be named after a kind of bracelet.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: leilah
Columbia student #1: It’s funny how many kids do coke at this school… Actually, it’s disgusting.
Columbia student #2: Wait, but you just bought an eightball a few hours ago.
Columbia student #1: Oh, yeah.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: keith smith
Professor: When I try to remember the last time I felt chaos around me, I can only think of September 11th. Were you guys around for that?
Student: You must do a lot of yoga.
Professor: Actually, I do.
–Eugene Lang College, the New School
Hispanic teen #1: Oh my God girl! You’re such a fucking bitch!
Hispanic teen #2: Pshaa… Nigga please, I got like 300 friends on MySpace and you only got like 100, bitch.
Hispanic teen #1: At least I didn’t sleep with all my 300 friends.
Hispanic teen #2: You are so off my top 14.
Hispanic teen #1: You aren’t even on mine, so I dont give a shit.
Hispanic teen #2: Bitch
–Union Square
Overheard by: Bryan
JAP #1: Oh my God, alcohol kills so many people.
JAP #2: Ok, you know water kills more people than alcohol.
JAP #1: What are you talking about?
JAP #2: You’re so stupid! Don’t you remember the floods?
–Union Square
Overheard by: bob
Tourist husband: Hey, look, a Starbucks.
Tourist Wife: Ooo…
–44th & 8th
Guy: You know, they’re giving away money on the T train for being nice.
Bimbette: What?
Guy: The T train — they’re giving away money to people who are nice.
Bimbette: Who are?
Guy: The T train.
Bimbette: How can a train give away money?
Guy: Not the train. The people — the train people.
Bimbette: Why would they give away money?
Guy: To encourage people to be nice. They give it to people who do nice things.
Bimbette: Nice things?
Guy: Yeah, like holding open the door, letting someone have your seat — nice things.
Bimbette: How can they just give away money?
Guy: It’s not actual money. They’re gift certificates to Dunkin’ Donuts.
Bimbette: What’s a donut?
Guy: Are you fucking kidding me?
–A train
Overheard by: this imaginary train you speak of sounds nice
Hipster artsy girl: So, did you do that, like, big art show?
Hipster artsy boy: Which one?
Hipster artsy girl: Um, I don't know.
Hipster artsy boy: Then yes.
–W 23rd & 10th
