Queer: Excuse me, but what is the owner’s name again?
Host: I am the owner.
Queer: Really?
Host: Yeah, there are five of us.
Queer: Damn. Well, which one did I fuck?
–THAT Bar, Smith Street
Queer: Excuse me, but what is the owner’s name again?
Host: I am the owner.
Queer: Really?
Host: Yeah, there are five of us.
Queer: Damn. Well, which one did I fuck?
–THAT Bar, Smith Street
British parks guy: Yeh, fishin’ shit outta pools like this is me specialty.
Dude: Yeah, that’s great, but our frisbee is stuck in a tree.
British parks guy: Throwin’ yer frisbee at the birds, eh? You better make sure they don’t come after ye in yer dreams and peck yer fuckin’ eyes out.
–Central Park
Overheard by: NG
Girl #1: So you have a hot gyno?
Girl #2: No, he’s just my regular doctor.
Girl #1: Oh.
Girl #2: Yeah.
–Art Bar, 8th Avenue
Chick: I got a washing machine at home but it don’t fit. I got too many clothes.
Guy: Ain’t you never heard of loads?
Chick: What you mean?
Guy: Doing it once at a time.
Chick: Shoot, I be doing clothes forever if I do that shit.
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Trish
Cashier Lady #1: What I’ma do if I gotta go to the pussy doctor? Tell the boss I gotta itch in my pussy?
Cashier Lady #2: Yeah, you gotta protect your privacy.
Cashier Lady #1: They don’t gotta know all about my pussy’s issues.
–Hunter College cafeteria
Overheard by: Carrie
Chick #1: What street are we getting off at again?
Chick #2: 59th street.
Chick #1: I hope we are on the right train.
Chick #2: Of course we are. I think it’s the next stop.
Conductor: This is 72nd street, transfer to the 1,2,3 trains–
Chick #1: There’s the express. Should we switch trains?
Chick #2: No, we’ll switch at 50th street.
–Uptown #9 train
Overheard by: Marc
Commuter: Are there delays?
Token booth collector: No ma’am, there are no delays at this station.
Commuter: Then why are there more people than trains?
–Fulton Street station
White guy: I’m a pretty liberal-minded guy. I don’t consider myself prejudiced or anything…
White girl: But..?
White guy: But I really don’t like Polish people. I mean, I can’t help it, I just don’t.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kristen
Dowager: What we really need to do is to educate these poor people so they don’t have sex. It’s the poor people who keep spreading all the STDs and the AIDS. Do you know any rich people with STDs? I didn’t think so.
–MoMA cafe
Lady #1: I can’t believe she said those things. She was so politically incorrect.
Lady #2: Well what did you expect her to say?
Lady #1: Something humanly correct.
–Shubert Theatre, 44th Street
Girl #1: She’s so lucky. I mean, she works for Oscar de la Renta.
Girl #2: Yeah, and she has a clause in her pre-nup that allows her husband to divorce her if her feet become disgusting. I’m jealous.
–Fashion Ave. elevator
