Fag hag: Give me your left hand. I’m getting a tattoo right here.
Queer: Oooh! Of what?
Fag hag: A cross.
Queer: Sexy!
–Fordham University Ram Van
Overheard by: Ali McE
Fag hag: Give me your left hand. I’m getting a tattoo right here.
Queer: Oooh! Of what?
Fag hag: A cross.
Queer: Sexy!
–Fordham University Ram Van
Overheard by: Ali McE
Tattoo flyer guy: Tattoos… They hurt like hell!
–St. Mark’s Pl
Thug: I spread her ass out and she had a ‘W’ tattooed on the inside of one cheek and a ‘W’ tattooed on the inside of the other!
–JMZ
Dude: Well, I’ve got a tattoo of Calvin peeing on my butthole.
–Bedford & N 7th
Overheard by: Dylan
Man on cell: Mother! You got a tattoo? You hoodlum!
–Dean & DeLuca
TA: Anyone who needs his last name tattooed on his side has to be a real fucktard.
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Chirpy British lady: Ah, you like that all ovah, then?
Man with tattooed arms: … Uh, a little bit [disembarks].
Chirpy British lady smiles around at other passengers.
–3 train
Overheard by: Hilary
Professor: What’s the second largest profession in the U.S.?
Jersey dude: Prostitutes!
–NYU
Thugette #1: I’m gonna be gettin’ me a mermaid tattoo.
Thugette #2: Mermaids? Hey, mermaids ain’t no gangsta.
Thug: Yo, don’t you be dissin’ those mermaids. I’m down with the Little Mermaid.
–Times Square
15-year-old preppy #1: I think Lisa’s really cool. We should hang out with her more.
15-year-old preppy #2 Yeah, she seems like a really cool girl. I guess her boyfriend’s in jail or something… And she has his name tattooed on her clit [gestures to stomach area] or something…
–Atlantic Ave
Suit #1: She had a fat ass with a big skank mark.
Suit #2: A what?
Suit #1: One of those skanky over-the-ass tattoos.
Woman next to them, irritated: That’s called a goddess tattoo.
Suit #1: Goddess of what? Ass fucking?
Suit #2: A Greek goddess! [He and Suit #1 laugh.]Suit #3, to woman: Sorry about these guys. Can I buy you a drink?
–Iguana Bar
Young hipster: Remember that guy you used to work with — Carl?
Young suit: Yeah, I always hated that guy.
Young hipster: I saw him the other night, and he was telling me he was going to get ‘Hopeless romantic’ tattooed on his knuckles. I was like, ‘Dude, you cheated on your girlfriend and you have a pending rape case — maybe you shouldn’t get that tattoo.’
–N train
Dude: It weirds me out when deaf people can talk.
–Bryant Park
Chick: There’s a house, and he grew up in that house, and now he lives in that house. How weird. How local.
–N train, Queens
Overheard by: Morgan
Guy: I want a giant tattoo of Weird Al and Thomas Dolby shaking hands.
–Bar, Lower East Side
Hipster on cell: Is wanting a bed-and-breakfast, a weed garden, and a forest full of Thai tranny fawns so fucking weird?
–Houston and Elizabeth
Girl: So we were at her house the other day smoking pot, and I was like, ‘This pot tastes weird.’ And I asked John if it tasted weird and he said, ‘Yeah, it does.’ So I asked her if she had been using her crack pipe to smoke pot out of again and she said, ‘Oops.’
–20th St & 8th Ave
Bright-purple-mohawk guy to shaved-head girl with multiple nose piercings: Your best friend is so weird!
–12th St & University Pl
Overheard by: Joe
Suit on cell: Yeah, it’s kind of weird dating my sister.
–33rd & 7th
Woman #1: I don’t know how I’m gonna get Bernie to go down on me. I’ve even tried waxing.
Woman #2: Maybe you can tattoo a little Yankees logo down there.
Woman #1: Are you kidding? It would be a holy object. He would kneel and make burnt offerings.
Woman #2: At least he would be kneeling. That’s a start.
–Williamsburg
