Guy #1: Alright, we gonna have a good time today.
Guy #2: Eww, you use condoms — when I do it, I do it for real!
Guy #1’s girlfriend: And get the girl pregnant?
Guy #2: Something called birth control!
Girlfriend: That doesn’t mean you won’t get STDs.
Guy #2: Well, I make sure she doesn’t have STDs!
Girlfriend: But all whores have STDs, and those are the only pussy you can ever get!
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: Vincent Ku
Girl #1: I’m scared that I’m going to wake up one morning and be a lesbian.
Girl #2: Jesus, we’re in public.
–Rose Hill, Fordham University
Guy: Maybe it has to do with Grover Cleveland…
Drunk girl: Who’s Grover Cleveland?
Guy: I’m a Canadian and I know who Grover Cleveland is.
Drunk girl [proudly]: Well, I’m an American and I don’t know!
–Yankees Stadium
Girl: Are you a conservative or a liberal?
Guy: I know all teenagers are supposed to be liberal, but I’m pretty conservative.
Girl: Oh my god, I know exactly what you mean. I was conservative until last week when I saw V for Vendetta. How hot is Natalie Portman?
–Bronx High School of Science
Teen girl #1: Do you ever have to fart really badly in class?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, like today. I ate a PowerBar and I’ve had to shit like crazy so I keep farting.
Teen girl #1: But you can’t do it in class ’cause then it smells and people know it’s you.
Teen girl #2: You can stick dryer sheets in your pants and then it doesn’t smell as much.
Teen girl #3: But how do you keep them in there?
Teen girl #2: Well, if your pants are tight enough, where they gonna go?
Teen girl #1: Or sometimes you can ask to go to the bathroom and when you stand up your ass cheeks squeeze together and you can’t fart.
Teen girl #2: But in the two seconds before you’re standing you can’t control it, then you fart.
Teen girl #1: Damn it, I have to take a shit.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: LSB
Guy: Are you going to the gym after this?
Girl: Are you going to the mean house?
Guy: That was, without a doubt, the lamest comeback I have ever heard in my life.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Jessica R
Girl #1: Why you holding yo’ nose? We all know it smells like piss in here.
Girl #2: I know it smells like piss, I just don’ wanna pick anything else up into my lungs.
Girl #1: You jus’ wiling cause of the piss smell.
Girl #2: Please, the elevator in my building smells like piss. In fact, in my building, I can tell you the apartment number of who pissed in the elevator.
–Fordham Metro-North station elevator
Bag lady: Hey, you guys, can you help me out? I’m really hungry!…You need a dye job, you know! Your roots are showing.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Drew
Teen boy: Somewhere out there…someone is getting laid.
–Empire State Building
Girl: Did you see those capris? They looked like the girl had her vagina on sideways!
–Windsor Terrace
