Girl on cell: But they’re, like, professional crackwhores!
–Bedford Park, Lehman College, the Bronx
Man: I never misled my mother. I did steal from her, but I was on crack.
–Joralemon St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Chicago Guy
Girl: Did you see that movie Crackheads on Fire?
–14th & 8th
Lady: Now she’s a big shot. She used to be a crackhead.
–Au Bon Pain, 8th St
Overheard by: the guy buying the SoBe Green Tea
Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It’s from the 70’s, so the camera work is really bad, but it’s not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, “You’re the king of the Jews!” It’s a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.
–Q train
Overheard by: A White Bear
Girl: You know, I don’t think Jesus ever asked Mary Magdalene to kiss his balls.
–1849 Bar, Bleecker St
Drunk guy: Jesus saved me already, you fucking cunt!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: braincurve
Chick: Whatever. I could’ve annihilated Jesus at beer pong.
–Trump Building, Wall St
Overheard by: You know who
Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?
–Key Food, 235th St
Overheard by: Miriam
South Bronx gangster #1: Yo, damn, look at that Asian girl, son!
South Bronx gangster #2: You ever been with an Asian girl?
Gangster #1: Nah, son, you?
Gangster #2: Nah, yo, but I heard them pussies is sideways!
Gangster #1: What?! Sideways?!
Gangster #2: Yeah, son, sideways. They pussies is siiiideways!
Gangster #1: Shit, I gotta try and get with one now.
–the Bronx
Overheard by: Scullface
Girl #1: It’s the last day of school and I’m not even sad. I feel like I should be crying or something.
Girl #2: Do you want me to pinch you really hard?
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: Michelle
Asian girl: Where do you want to go to college?
Greek girl: Huh, You have pink eye? My brother had that. It’s mad contagious.
–Bronx High School of Science
Girl: Gross man, you eating White Castle. Nasty.
Guy: Yeah girl, these is good. I love them.
Girl: Guess you won’t be loving them when the next time you take a shit, your liver comes out too.
Guy: Man, why you hatin’ on White Castle?
Girl: You’ll see.
–124th & St. Nicholas
Overheard by: Fred Humphrey
Guy: She’s like so angry at the world.
Girl: I know right. It’s not my fault that she has a lazy eye. I am like seriously considering getting her an eye patch.
Guy: Dude. That would be awesome.
–Yankee Stadium
White guy: Excuse me, sir?
Black guy: What’s up papi?
White guy: I’m trying to get to 14th Street.
Black guy: You’re in the South Bronx papi.
White guy: Holy shit! How do I get the fuck out of here?
The black guy laughs and walks away.
–149th & 3rd
Suit #1: So she got really mad at me when I was trying to break up with her, she was like “You’re breaking up with me cause you like me too much?” And I was like “Ya, totally.” She just didn’t understand.
Suit #2: Dude, that’s rough.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: two rows back
