The Penis Mightier Than the Wednesday One-Liners

Small girl, pointing at an advertisement for Little Man: Look, Grandpa! He looks like a little man!…He has a huge penis!

–189th St

Braggart: My penis is heavier than a full-sized gruyere cheese.

–Red Hook

Guy dressed as a penis, on cell: If you don’t get down to 14th and 6th in another 5 minutes, this is one dick you are not going to see!

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Madhu Maganti

Guy: I’d give an inch of my dick for the fries at Les Halles. They’re that good!…Ok, maybe half an inch.

–Park Avenue & 29th Street

Overheard by: 11221

Teen boy on cell: Hey, it’s Big Daddy! You know, Big Daddy! You showed me your penis ring last night.

–Times Square

Overheard by: laura

Woman: Aaah! I’ve got baby penises in my eye!

–Sephora, Times Square

Girl: Ooh, she is going to be in so much trouble. She got caught smoking cock.

–Bed-Stuy

Posted on August 30, 2006
Brooklyn, Food, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penis, Places, Pop Culture, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, The Bronx, Times Square, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners: Too Busy to Acquire Social Skills

Virgin-For-Life: Clark Kent and Kal-El are the same goddamn thing, Joey! We are not having this conversation again! Jesus Christ! I’m going home!

–Coney Island

20-Something Virgin-For-Life, noticing guy with Superman t-shirt: Look! That’s who I wanna be when I grow up! Clark Kent! Imagine just taking a suit off and becoming a superhero.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Guy With Superman t-shirt

Virgin-For-Life: The intestinal epithelium is my dream tissue.

–Albert Einstein College of Medicine, the Bronx

Overheard by: Joshua Drumm

Virgin-For-Life: He’s really sharp. He’s like the head of Voltron.

–23rd between 5th & 6th

Posted on August 30, 2006
Body Parts, College, Empire State Building, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Nerds, One-liners, People, Places, Pop Culture, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Think ‘Un’ Is Also a Kind of Faithful

Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!

–7 train

Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn

Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Keith

Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?

–32nd & 7th

Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!

–238th & Broadway

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on August 23, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Cops, Dating, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Manhattan, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, People, Pick-up Lines, Places, Private Parts, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Bronx, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Women

Isn’t That From Dr. Seuss’s ‘I Don’t Like Penis Made of Glass/ I Do Not Like It in My Ass’?

Younger woman: Have you seen any of the Chihuly glass?
Elderly woman: Yes, it looks like penises with diseases!

–New York Botanical Garden, the Bronx

Posted on August 22, 2006
Artists, Arts & Letters, Old People, Penis, Pop Culture, STDs, The Bronx

Probably a Sufficient Interim Explanation

Man to wife: …and I said, “What are you: a crackhead?!”
Young daughter: What’s a crackhead, Daddy?
Man: It’s someone that slipped and cracked their head.

Strung-out hobo walks by, asking for change.

Man: See, honey. He’s a crackhead.

–E Fordham Rd & Lorillard Pl, the Bronx

Posted on August 21, 2006
Drugs, Family Ties, Hobos, Kids, Men, Names, People, Places, The Bronx, Topics, Women

Mary: ‘God Was so Small, it Was Like I Was Doing it With Myself’

Altar boy #1: Plants are asexual since they do it with themselves and then spawn.
Altar boy #2: Like Mother Mary?

–Bronx High School of Science

Posted on August 12, 2006
Animals & Nature, Bronx Science, Catholics, Christianity, Teens, The Bronx

Uncertain How to Proceed With This Conversation, They Decided to Get a Cat Together

College kid #1: If you must choose, would you rather be taking it up the ass or be the one fucking another guy?
College kid #2: I’d be the one giving it to another guy.
College kid #1: Damn, you really are a fag.
College kid #2: And you?
College kid #1: The same.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Mhunt

Posted on August 3, 2006
Backdoor, Gays and Lesbians, Students, The Bronx, Yankee Stadium

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Forget the Pipe

Girl on cell: But they’re, like, professional crackwhores!

–Bedford Park, Lehman College, the Bronx

Man: I never misled my mother. I did steal from her, but I was on crack.

–Joralemon St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Chicago Guy

Girl: Did you see that movie Crackheads on Fire?

–14th & 8th

Lady: Now she’s a big shot. She used to be a crackhead.

–Au Bon Pain, 8th St

Overheard by: the guy buying the SoBe Green Tea

Posted on August 2, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Movies, On Cell, Restaurants & Cafes, The Bronx, Thievery, Women

What Would Wednesday One-Liners Do?

Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It’s from the 70’s, so the camera work is really bad, but it’s not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, “You’re the king of the Jews!” It’s a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.

–Q train

Overheard by: A White Bear

Girl: You know, I don’t think Jesus ever asked Mary Magdalene to kiss his balls.

–1849 Bar, Bleecker St

Drunk guy: Jesus saved me already, you fucking cunt!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: braincurve

Chick: Whatever. I could’ve annihilated Jesus at beer pong.

–Trump Building, Wall St

Overheard by: You know who

Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?

–Key Food, 235th St

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on July 12, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Drunks, Jesus, Movies, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Teens, The Bronx, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Getting a Little on the Side

South Bronx gangster #1: Yo, damn, look at that Asian girl, son!
South Bronx gangster #2: You ever been with an Asian girl?
Gangster #1: Nah, son, you?
Gangster #2: Nah, yo, but I heard them pussies is sideways!
Gangster #1: What?! Sideways?!
Gangster #2: Yeah, son, sideways. They pussies is siiiideways!
Gangster #1: Shit, I gotta try and get with one now.

–the Bronx

Overheard by: Scullface

Posted on July 7, 2006
Asians, Body Parts, People, Private Parts, Sex, Stupidity, The Bronx, Thugs, Vagina

The Bronx