Wednesday One-Liners Are Thicker Than Water

Girl: Every time I fart, more blood comes out.

–SoHo

Guy on cell: The blood bank’s coming and they want me to give blood…Naw, I’m like, “I’ll give blood for Yankee tickets.” I’ve done enough for good causes. You know, I gotta hold on to that shit. That’s my blood, man.

–48th & 3rd

Jerseyite: Wait, mosquitoes suck blood?

–Prince & Lafayette

Girl, to guy singing loudly: Shut up, before I take my bloody pad off and smear it on your face! Times seven!

–Village Community School, W 10th St

Overheard by: Keesha Brown

Posted on August 2, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Farting & Burping, Insects, Menstruation, Questions, Stupidity, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Yankees

I Didn’t Mean To Hit ‘Loop’ On your Brain

Ghetto man #1: I didn’t mean to, man, you know it. I apologize.
Ghetto man #2: I will kill you!
Ghetto man #1: C’mon, man, you know it. I didn’t mean to!
Ghetto man #2: I will kill you!
Ghetto man #1: Man, c’mon, we can figure it out!
Ghetto man #2: I will kill you! I will kill you! I will kill you! I will kill you!

–West Village, 3 a.m.

Overheard by: Isha

Posted on July 17, 2006
Threats, Thugs, West Village

Himself… And Six Million Pissed-Off Ghosts

Drunk white man: Hey, sir. “Knish” is spelled wrong.
Indian cashier: What?
Drunk white man: The food behind the case here. You spelled “knish” wrong, and I’ve told you guys before and it still hasn’t been fixed. Look, buddy, I’ve come in here ten times in the last week. I’ve told three other employees that the spelling is wrong, and next time I come in here it better be spelled right or the Jews are gonna come kill you.

Drunk white man storms out.

Indian cashier: That man is fucking crazy. It’s knish. Is it even spelled wrong?
Woman: No. He just forgot to take his meds and now the Jews are gonna come and kill you. And by “the Jews” he means himself.

–Organic food store, 19th & 3rd

Overheard by: Boo Radley

Posted on June 27, 2006
Cashiers, Drunks, Judaism, Kosher food, Murder, Store, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Words

Wednesday One-liners Don’t Go There

Hobo: That’s it. I’m revokin’ ya hood pass! Don’t go past a hundred and tenth!

–80th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Jeremy Cristol

White girl on cell: I can’t take the subway now, it’s 10 o’clock. I’m not black.

–67th & 2nd

Posted on June 21, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Hobos, NYC Geography, On Cell, Race, Threats, Time, Travel, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People

Enought to Fill That Lithium Prescription?

Guy #1: I hate my job, my boss is a dick, and if he does not get off my back, I swear I’ll blow that motherfucker up!
Guy #2: Quit
Guy #1: Oh yeah, man quess what? I just got a kick ass raise the other week.

–33rd & Lex

Posted on May 13, 2006
9 to 5-ers, Advice, Gripes, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Shoot, Threats

I’ve Got an HBO Special and I’m Not Afraid to Use It

Little girl around 8 years old: I’m going to kill you.
Little girl #2: You can’t. You don’t have a knife.
Little girl #1: I didn’t mean violently. I meant humorously.

–56th & 6th

Overheard by: Nina