Tourist man: Pardon me, officer, can you tell us where Orchard Street is?
Cop: See that naked Chinese guy?
Tourist man: Ummm…Yeah.
Cop: Walk down to him and make a left.
Tourist man: Um, thanks.
Cop: No problem.
–Delancey & Allen
Overheard by: Isaac
Tourist man: Pardon me, officer, can you tell us where Orchard Street is?
Cop: See that naked Chinese guy?
Tourist man: Ummm…Yeah.
Cop: Walk down to him and make a left.
Tourist man: Um, thanks.
Cop: No problem.
–Delancey & Allen
Overheard by: Isaac
New Yorker: Coney Island is fun if you like that stuff. I mean, there’s a lot of nationalities down there so their accents are all…They talk like the Sopranos. Do you know about the Sopranos?
Tourist: Um.
–R Train, 28th St
Overheard by: Nick McDowell
Saleslady: Where are you from?
Tourist: Kansas City.
Saleslady: There’s a city in Kansas? Like with buildings?
Tourist: Yes.
Saleslady: Tall ones?
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Evie
Man on cell: Hello. Oh, hi, yes. You won’t believe it. I’m on a bus. In New York City. Can you imagine?
–M-104 bus
Overheard by: Nhoo
Girl: Oh my God, I am psyched to be in New York. Look! I can’t believe they have sand here! Aww!
–Central Park, near the Great Lawn
Tourist guy: Wow. I love this city. If New York had a cunt, I would eat it.
–Times Square
Overheard by: monzo
Tourist #1: What park is this? Where am I?
Tourist #2: It’s Tompkins Square Park.
Tourist #1: Well, I am clearly too good for this park.
Tourist #2: What?
Tourist #1: Seriously, look at these people. I am way too good for this park and these people.
–7th and Ave A
Overheard by: Miss Parker
Tourist: Um, do you live here?
Teen girl: Uh, yeah.
Tourist: Oh, is that the Empire State Building?
Teen girl: You mean the big, pointy building?
Tourist: [nods]Teen girl: What the fuck do you think? [walks away] Fucking tourist.
Tourist: Thank you! [to friend] So, wait, is it the Empire State Building?
–near Union Square
Guy: Oh my God, look. There is a Duane Reade on the corner of Duane and Reade.
–Reade St
Tourist: Can you tell me where the Empire State Building Is?
–cafe, Empire State Building
Overheard by: dogstar
Loud tourist on silent train: Oh my god. My hands are so dirty from being in Chinatown. This city is the dirtiest place on the planet. If you stuck my hands in a big-ass petri dish, you better believe there would be some monstrous germs on there the next day. Ew, Chinatown smells so bad. Like rotten fish. Why is it so hot here? God, no one in Chinatown has air conditioning. My pits are so smelly. Ugh, I stink. But not worse than Chinatown.
–6 train uptown, Canal St
Tourist: Will you take $20 for that bag?
Street vendor: Twenty? You’ve got nerve. I’ll pray for you.
Tourist: Pray that someone is stupid enough to pay more than twenty bucks for that plastic piece of shit.
–52nd & Madison
Tourist chick #1, whispering: Oh, gross. You ask.
Tourist chick #2, whispering: No, you ask.
Tourist chick #1: Excuse me, what kind of pizza is that?
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: i just wanted to eat my birthday lunch
