Upper East Side

Woman on cell: Number one: I'll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Number two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!

–Steps, The Met

Overheard by: gossipgirlish

Boy to mother: Mama, can we surprise grandpa with a catfish?

–Central Park East

Overheard by: walter

Woman reading map: No dead fish in Nebraska.

–D Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with perfume. Now it smells like a fish died and the other fish sent flowers.

–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave

Bartender to 20-something man: What's your name? I'll start a tab.
20-something man: Oliver.
Old man at bar: Oliver Twist… People ever call you Oliver Twist? (laughs)
20-something man: Old people always do. Newer people don't.

–Pizzaria, 86th & 3rd

Overheard by: kat

(cricket chirps)
Angry-looking woman #1: Yo, I think that cricket said somethin'
(cricket chirps)
Angry-looking woman #2: Hold on, I think that bitch is sayin' some shit!
Angry-looking woman #1, looking for cricket: You wanna start somethin? Nobody be talking shit about me.
Angry-looking woman #2: Let's fuck this bitch up.

–Roosevelt Island

Crazy guy running up to random student: I go to this guy for those peanuts they sell on the side of the street, I say “how much?” He tells me $1.50, so I start walking away, and he says one dollar. I went to state pen for ten years, and this is how I get treated?
Student: It's just peanuts man, you gotta let it go.

–59th St & Lexington

Girl, giving food to hobo: Hey, do you want this?
Hobo: Yeah, thanks! Wait, does it have shellfish in it?

–16th St & 3rd Ave

Guy to girl: Yeah, the reason I never wanted to drive drunk in high school is cause I didn't want to scratch my car.
Girl: Well, that's shouldn't be the only reason!
Guy: Oh, for sure–but it was a pretty sweet ride.

–62nd St & Lexington

Gay guy: Oh, I just realized I took Tyler's phone this morning.
Straight guy: That's what happens when you and your boyfriend get identical phones.
Gay guy: Brilliant idea–I'm going to text him now, and his name will come up in the caller id. I'll pretend to be him from the future and start making dire predictions.
(his phone beeps) Dammit, he noticed. I just got a text from Van-from-the-future.
Straight guy: You guys are an oddly perfect couple.

–87th St & 3rd Ave

Guy: That was a great blowjob.
Girl: You're still gonna fuck me, right?
Guy: Not tonight… I have to go home and buy some chicken for dinner.

–E 74th St & 1st Ave

Young woman, in whiny nasal voice, about man next to her: Rich, you should wear the Pac Man costume this weekend, and get totally drunk!
Male voice coming out of yellow Pac Man mouth: Yeah.

–71st St b/w 1st & 2nd

Girlfriend to fiance, while shaking ring off of finger: Look, my ring is getting too big again. Am I losing weight?
Fiance: You're losing weight and I'm losing interest in you.

–E 95th St

Overheard by: Sarah