Spare the Rod and Spoil the Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy, waiting in line to see “Bodies” exhibit: Are there gonna be rides?

–South Street Seaport

Little girl, playing with her inattentive mother’s cell: Nine… One…

–Atlantic Center, Brooklyn

Overheard by: wee e

Little girl, humming to herself: Cat cat dog, I am a tree! Eeeee! Minute Maid Coke, I am a poodle! Eeeee!

–Brooklyn bound Q train

Little boy: Eddie, I like that torture a lot!

–Dizzy’s, 9th St & 8th Ave, Park Slope

Little girl: Mom, I am highly disappointed in the construction.

–71st Rd, Forest Hills

3-year-old girl: Daddy, does this helmet make me look crazy?

–13th & University

Little boy: Simon says reach into everybody’s pants!

–Waiting room, Mt. Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: Jobee

Posted on August 2, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Hospitals, Kids, Lower Manhattan, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Queens, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper East Side, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Try to Punch a Hole Through the World Trade Center Now, Terrorists!

Homeland security cop #1: Bleah! Bleah! Bleah!

He leans over and pretends to vomit in the gutter. Homeland security cop #2 laughs.

Homeland security cop #1, laughing: That was great! Punch me again!

–Federal Plaza, Duane & Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on July 23, 2006
Cops, Manhattan, Punch, Violence

Now I Know Why Friends Was So Unpredictable

Girl #1: I hate gushing blood. Gross.
Girl #2: Yeah, and retarded people
Girl #3: Yeah, retarded people scare me
Girl #2: ‘Cause you’ll never know what they’re gonna do, ’cause they’re retarded.

–KFC, King’s Highway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Veronika

Posted on July 7, 2006
Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Disabilities, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Violence

I Think I’ve Got It Figured Out

Old lady #1: So you’re gonna pour gasoline on him, and I’m gonna light the match.
Old lady #2: Mm hmm.

–114th & 5th

Overheard by: robin b

Posted on June 23, 2006
Fire, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Old People, Violence

It’s Just Like the Old Days

Man #1: Man, all these stabbings and killings, man.
Man #2: Yeah.
Man #1: But you know, that’s every summer.

–Myrtle & Marcy, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Brendan Rogak

Posted on June 20, 2006
Brooklyn, Men, People, Places, Stab, Topics, Violence

Wednesday One-liners, Tough Love

Mom: You see? You almost hit that nice lady. Then she would have sued you and took all your PlayStation games

–N 12th & Bedford, Williamsburg

Overheard by: sonibug13

Mom: No, Cyrus! Don’t touch that! You have ringworm!

–Post office, Upper West Side

Posted on June 14, 2006
Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, One-liners, Parents, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Williamsburg

The Rockport Files

Suit: Do you see that guy? He’s wearing a suit and sneakers!
Coffee vendor: Um…
Suit: I can’t believe that! I really think guys like that should be lined up and shot on Broadway.

–Broad & Wall St

Overheard by: alxie

Posted on June 9, 2006
Fashion, Manhattan, Suits, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Your Sex Life Is Your Own Business

Little girl #1: Mom, can we have this?
Mother: Not now… Five minutes of silence.
Little girl #2: I want one of those bags!
Mother: Ok…Five minutes of silence or I start swingin’!

–Kings Discount Clothing Store, 18th Ave & 64th St, Bensonhurst

Posted on June 6, 2006
Brooklyn, Parents, Shopping, Violence

He Gets Cranky Without His Yoohoo

Vendor: I hate customers like you, with your big bills for a 95-cent drink.
Ghetto thug: I could always shoot your old ass, and have the soda for free if that makes making change any easier.

–207th & Broadway

Posted on June 3, 2006
Bodegas, Crime and Punishment, Manhattan, Money & Class, Shopping, Thugs, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence, Washington Heights and Inwood

Early Intervention

Girl #1: I wish I was anorexic.
Girl #2: I’m going to punch you so that your head ricochets against that door.

–F train

Overheard by: Gena Radcliffe

Posted on June 1, 2006
Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Violence

Violence