Dear Diary, I Hang Out in Times Square Every Night and Still Can’t Manage to Get Raped! Tomorrow I’ll Try the Bronx

College guy: You know, I asked Hannah out sophomore year.
College girl: Really? Did she say yes?
College guy: Nah, she said I was like a brother to her.
College girl: Yeah, you’re like a brother to me, too, but a brother I know would probably rape me if given the right chance.
College guy: Nah.
College girl: What? Are you serious?
College guy: Yeah! Why?
College girl: I don’t know. I figured you’d at least try. You could at least pretend to want to.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Amused high school student

Posted on October 17, 2006
Dating, Students, Times Square, Violence

Seniors: Someone’s Already Gotten to This Guy. He Can Barely Think Straight!

Ghetto guy: They got Freshman Friday at my school.
Ghetto girl: What’s Freshman Friday?
Ghetto guy: That’s when they fuck up the freshmen.
Ghetto girl: You a freshman!
Ghetto guy: So? They ain’t gonna grab me…I’m gonna…Whatever.

–Bronx bound 1 Train

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on October 15, 2006
Ghetto Chicks, Guys, On the Subway, School and studying, Violence, Words

Good Samaritan Laws Have Yet to be Enacted in the Subway

Man, boarding downtown E: This is the downtown E?
Woman: Yes.
Man: You sure?
Woman: I’m positive.
Man: Aight, ’cause if those numbers start gettin’ bigger, yo head gonna get bigger, bitch.

–E train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Ivan

Posted on October 3, 2006
Body Parts, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Manhattan, Men, On the Subway, People, Places, Threats, Topics, Travel, Violence, Women

It Was All Fun and Games Right Up Until Then

Little kid: What happened to your eye?
Woman with eye patch: Some little kid poked it out.

–Park Slope Food Co-op, Brooklyn

Posted on September 24, 2006
Brooklyn, Kids, Violence, Women

Not the Way I Was Raised to Assault a Lady

Guy #1: Whatever happened to good old-fashioned rape?
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Well, nowadays you hear about girls being drugged with, like, military sedatives.

–Fordham University, the Bronx

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Posted on September 16, 2006
Creepsters, Crime and Punishment, Medicine, School, The Bronx, Violence

Sir Mix-a-Lot Likes Wednesday One-Liners (And He Cannot Lie)

Museum patron: Tell me the story again about what happened to my bottom?

–Cafeteria, the Met

Woman to misbehaving child: Jamillah Fatima! Do not make me have to make the love connection to your behind on the C train!

–Brooklyn bound C train

Overheard by: ryan

Girl: Man, it’s hotter that 50 butt cracks in here!

–American Apparel, N 6th St, Williamsburg

Idle dreamer: Man…I wish I had, like, 59 butts.

–Apple Store, 5th Ave

Overheard by: i still sell the iPods

Walking VD: I told her straight up I only like her for her ass!

–Kissena Blvd & 71st Ave, Queens

Teen boy: I’m gonna spread your booty cheeks.

–108th & Manhattan

Overheard by: N

Man: Shit, I’ll eat a pig’s ass if they fry it right.

–471 Lincoln Place, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Michael O’Connor

Posted on September 13, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Food, Kids, Moms, More museums, Museums, One-liners, Private Parts, Queens, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Upper East Side, Violence, Williamsburg

I’m Gonna Go With Both, Just to Be Sure

Ghetto girl #1: So I was all, “As if,” and she was all, “Whatever!”
Ghetto girl #2: Yo, dat’s some fucked up shit.
Ghetto girl #1: So when I got home, I totally unfriended her on MySpace.
Ghetto girl #2: I’ma hafta smack dat bitch up, fo’ realz!
Ghetto girl #1: Oh, just unfriend her! She’d hate that even more!

–S train

Overheard by: Joe Jervis

Posted on September 4, 2006
Bitch-slap, Friendship, Ghetto Chicks, Internet, On the Subway, Violence

See, First I Got Some Wood. Then…

Brooklyn queer #1: It’s like that time I had mono and sat on my stoop for three days, whittling wood.
Brooklyn queer #2: I swear to God, if you tell that story one more time I’m going to shoot myself.

–6th St & 5th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on September 1, 2006
Brooklyn, Health and Hygiene, Park Slope, Queers, Violence

He Eats Some of Them While They’re Still Alive

PETA activist: Excuse me, do you love animals?
Smart-Ass queer: Yes…They’re delicious.
PETA activist: Murderer!!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: very entertained carnivore

Posted on August 29, 2006
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Favorites, Manhattan, Places, Queers, Topics, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence

Born-Again Brain Teaser

God Squad lady: Praise Jesus! You won’t be saved without Jesus! You have to start believing in Jesus to be saved! Jesus will always be there for you!
Suit #1: Would it be so awful if we pushed her out when the doors open?
Suit #2: No. Jesus will save her.

–4 train

Overheard by: Gregorio

Posted on August 27, 2006
God Squad, On the Subway, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Violence

Violence