Woman: Someone told me that there was a dead squirrel around here.
Sanitation woman: Don’t worry, we threw it away.
Woman: Oh. Do you know where? I’d like to have it.
–Washington Square Park South
Overheard by: Biebs
Woman: Someone told me that there was a dead squirrel around here.
Sanitation woman: Don’t worry, we threw it away.
Woman: Oh. Do you know where? I’d like to have it.
–Washington Square Park South
Overheard by: Biebs
Bland middle-aged woman: It's not like you're giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: j
English tourist: You'll go home and people will ask: "So what did you do on holiday?" You'll reply: "Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!"
–34th St
Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don't you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!
–34th Street
Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.
–8th Ave & 53rd St
Guy on cell: Is that the guy that's been sucking your dick?
–81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Kelley
Young guy on cell: And then I said: "I could really use a blowjob right now." She was offended!
–48th & Park
Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn't make her Oprah Winfrey.
–B48 Bus
Old man to young woman with iPod and earbuds in hand: You could probably hear the music better if you put those in your ears.
Young woman: Shove it up your ass.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: KatieL
Hobo #1: Hey, man! I thought you were dead!
Hobo #2: Dead where?
–Washington Square Park
NYU dude #1: What sources did you use for the final?
NYU dude #2: Urbandictionary.com.
NYU dude #1: Awesome.
–Washington Square South
Overheard by: Lezbotron
Queer to friend: What sign are you?
Friend: Leo.
Queer: Oh, good. I decided that I am going to base what I think of people based on their astrological signs, and I hate Geminis. Like, if I adopt a baby and it's a Gemini I'm going to give it back!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: poor kid
Guy drinking beer at 7 am, yelling: Hey! Is that a fried banana? Is that a fried banana?!
Girl, eating: No.
Guy: Oh, it's just a regular banana?
Girl: It's a cinnamon bun.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Samantha Chalek
Fat man: My left retina just detached.
Friend, not even looking at him: You'll be fine.
–Washington Square Park
Principal, over PA system: Attention: We are testing out the PA system. If you don't hear this, please call the office.
–Public School
Announcer on 6 train (which was being held at the station): Attention ladies and gentlemen. (pause) Does this thing even work?
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Your Mom
Cop, over megaphone from patrol car: Attention people in the park, we think you are all drunk. Whether legally or illegally, please, vacate the area. (a few minutes later, after driving around the fountain) People in the fountain, don't think we can't see you…don't use stargazing as your excuse because there's too much light pollution!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: In the fountain
Conductor over PA: Attention passengers. Acts of pugilism are not allowed on this train.
(two minutes later) Attention passengers. This is just a reminder that acts of fornication or fellatio are not allowed on this train.
–Post Midnight Drunk Train, LIRR
Overheard by: Rob T Firefly
Nervous voice on building PA system: Can I have your attention, please? Can I have your attention, please? Please disregard this message.
–Third Ave & b/w 50th & 51st
Girl to friend: I told him you had fucking mad STDs because he said he wanted to fuck you. (pause) You're welcome!
–Washington Square Park
Suit exiting cab: Yo, make sure you don't give him your number. He's got crabs.
–30th Ave & 30th St, Astoria
Overheard by: OhKellyO
Blonde 20-something on phone: Either the universe just proved there is no god, or he is a motherfucking cunt! (pauses, then in low tone) Because… I think I have herpes.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: close enough to hear the herpes part
Thug to thugette: I didn't have warts on my body till I met you.
–Metro North
Overheard by: baconista
Guy on cell, leaning casually against fire hydrant: Hey, so, I just got my test results back, and… uh… so I got herpes. So… maybe you should get yourself tested. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jessica, listen, I… fuck. Sorry, Jennifer. No, I–no, I'm sorry, I've just been making this call a lot today. (pause) Hello?
–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kytt
