Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners, As God Made Them

Guy on cell: What does you caring about me have to do with me at some club with "hypothetical" naked chicks?

–42nd & Lexington

Guy yelling across street to girl on phone: Tell her I waited naked on the bed all night but she never came!

–Washington Square

Suit to another: It's so weird because there are so many people at the office who you'd never think to picture naked… Like Marcy: you'd never picture her naked. Alex: you'd never picture him naked. Derek: I've never pictured him naked.

–F Train

Overheard by: EmLo

Guy, to two women: I was like, "You're lying on top of me. We're naked. When does this get fun?"

–Philosophy Building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

(girl is wearing small, tight, mini-skirt and talking to a group of boys)
Girl: If it was up to me, I wouldn't be wearing any clothes, if it weren't for gravity.

–Sybil's, Liberty Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Terrence

20-something girl to friend: So I chased after him, but I was naked…so how far could I go?

–Brooklyn Promanade

It Depends on If You Lick Your Fingers

Guy #1: So does giving a guy a handjob make you gay?
Guy #2: If your wrist starts to hurt and you’re still jerking him off, then you’re gay.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Jack Roberts

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It in the Family

Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.

–Washington Square North

Overheard by: Daniel

Young nanny to six-year-old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?

–76th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sonny

Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn't mean I won't backhand you.

–NYU Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Maria

Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I'm saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you–and that's saying a lot!

–6th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Wemily

…From My Research with Gerbils.

NYU professor with thick french accent: What's that drug called?
Student: Viagra.
NYU professor with thick french accent: Yeah, Viagra. Studies suggest that it stimulates organs in both males and females. Trust me, I know it works on both.

–Washington Square South & LaGuardia Place

Chocolate, Peanut Butter Still Unaccounted For

Girl #1: So, how was your night last night?
Girl #2: Um, I’m pretty sure I have jizz in my hair.

–Washington Square Park

A Little Wednesday One-Liner in a Big Pond

Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it's the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I'm not fishiverous!

–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria

Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood

Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?

–28th & 7th

Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: camillo cavour

Man to wife: That's too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.

–East Village

Even More Now that I Know She Pees in Hobo Jars!

NYU ditz #1: So, this hobo on the train is selling Paris Hilton’s urine as perfume! It was all yellow in a jar and he was like, ‘Yeah, she took a piss and I’ve got it to sell – 20 bucks a pop.’
NYU ditz #2: No freaking way – what did it smell like?
NYU ditz #1: Like urine – I just can’t believe he collected her urine… [Baffled pause] You think it was really hers? I love Paris Hilton!

–Starbucks corner, Washington Square

Let Him Raid My Lost Ark! Enter My Temple Of Doom!

NYU girl #1: What about Harrison Ford? You know, Indiana Jones?
NYU girl #2: Ew! He's like, 80.
NYU girl #1: He's 67, thank you, and I'd wrangle his whip anytime!

–Washington Square

She Spoke Spanish, or More Specifically, Portuguese

Chick #1: She was from Mexico, or more specifically, Brazil.
Chick #2: Oh.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Laura M.

We Were Always Jaclyn Smith Men, Ourselves

Queer: She’s very uncomfortable with her face. Well, she is 60. She said to me, “Why can’t I just grow old? Why can’t I just grow old like everyone else?” And I wanted to say, because you’re Farrah Fawcett, that’s why.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Valerie Goodman

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