Wednesday One-liners Go to the Park

Drunk hobo: Excuse me, sir, do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number?

–Central Park

Overheard by: alec

Girl on cell: Like, how many miles are in a square mile?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Glynnis

Guy on cell: No. You don’t understand. These girls are hungry. Tofu is not going to fucking do it.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Hambone Bootblack

Jogger lady: Oh, great, it’s raining. Thanks a lot, God.

–Central Park

Overheard by: mj

Man: That guy’s got a chicken. He’s gonna burn it! Hey man, don’t hurt the animals! He’s gonna burn the chicken!

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Posted on July 20, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Central Park, Drunks, Food, Hobos, Idiots, On Cell, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Weather

I Asked for Lemon, Not Lip

Man: Yo, what are you selling?
Vendor: Gelato.
Man: What’s that?
Vendor: Read the sign…Fuck you.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on July 19, 2025
Anger Management, Business and Commerce, Food, Manhattan, Men, People, Places, Topics, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park

You Just Got Yours, Boy; You Were Overheard

Guy #1: Hey, check out the headline in the Daily News: Free Viagra for Pervs.
Guy #2: Woo-hoo! When do I get mine?

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 24, 2025
Guys, Horny, Medicine, Washington Square Park

Let’s Not Forget the Death by Diarrhea

Woman: So where should I move to?
Man: Ethiopia.
Woman: Nah. They always have famines there.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Greg

Posted on May 18, 2025
History & Geography, Men, Washington Square Park, Women

Coffins Now 10% Off with Student ID!

Employee: Can I leave at 5?
Boss: Why?
Employee: I cannot work here for more than 5 hours day, for medical reasons.
Boss: What reason?
Employee: Well, this work is so dull and unsatisfying that if I work more than 5 hours a day I could jump out the window?
Boss: Wait, did you say you go to NYU?

–22nd Street office

Bystander guy #1: Congratulations!
Bystander guy #2: One sixteenth of you are gonna make it!

–NYU Graduation Ceremony, Washington Square Park

Posted on April 18, 2025
Assholes, Bosses, Education, Idiots, Jobs & Careers, Office, School and studying, Time, Washington Square Park

Foreplay Don’ts

Girl: You want a lap dance?
Guy: Huh? Sure, where?
Girl: How about your place?…I’ll give you one for two hundred bucks.
Guy: What? Are you crazy?
Girl: Okay, 50. I’m really a nice girl…I’m just having a hard time paying my bills.
Guy: No, thanks!
Girl: Okay…What would you want for 50 bucks?
Guy: Can I fuck you in the ass?
Girl: What? You’re sick.
Guy: Go home, get some sleep…and go look for a job in the morning.

–Cassidy’s Ale House, Flushing

Overheard by: Stephan

Hobo: You should put your legs together.
Girl: What did you say to me?
Hobo: Close your legs.
Girl: I’m a big girl, they’re as closed as they’re gonna get. It’s called “fat”.
Hobo: I guess you want to air out.
Girl: I guess you want a whiff.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Djuna

Drunk fratboy: Damn, you got a sexy walk, girl!…Hey, can I buy you a drink?
Girl: No, thanks anyway.
Drunk fratboy: OK…so, uh…how about I just fuck you in the ass, then?

–Washington Square Park

Posted on April 5, 2025
Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Diet/Weight, Drunks, Etiquette, Frat Boys, Hobos, Money & Class, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Strangers, Washington Square Park

Quit Bragging About Your Stool

Hobo #1: I ain’t kidding. It was the size of a personal pizza!
Hobo #2: Child, please. Ain’t no fuckin’ way.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on January 24, 2025
Hobos, Poop, Washington Square Park

Cavemen Used Axe

Girl #1: So how was your date with him?
Girl #2: It was fun and everything but it bothers me that he has no smell. Not that he stinks, but he just smells too naturally human.
Girl #1: Oh my god! No cologne? What is he, living in the Stone Age?

–Washington Square park

Overheard by: Ting